The other Berry

Movin' out

I dart into the bathroom before slamming the stall door behind me. I fall onto my knees before leaning over the toilet and throwing up.
——
I pull down my hood as I enter the store. I hurry to the back to pick up a box. I pick up a magazine on the way to the cashier to cover it.

I hear two beeps of the scanner as the cashier scans the items. I try to cover my face with my hair as I hear someone enter the store as I struggle to pull the money out of my purse.

I hand the money to him hurriedly before shoving the two items in my bag and rushing out of the store.
——
"Come on, come on" I whisper in frustration as I wait.

I peer back down at the floor. A lump forms in my throat as I try to swallow it down. My heart beats a little faster. I feel myself shaking.

I take deep breaths in and out as I lift up my hand to eye-level.

"Pregnant..." I whisper as I read the pregnancy test.
——
I try to keep my head down low as I push my way through the crowds in the hallways towards the choir room.

I take a deep breath in and out before I plaster on a fake smile and walk into the choir room where everyone is talking.

Sam walks up to me with a concerned smile.

"Hey, are you okay? You kinda just ran off"
"Mhm, I'm fine! I just forgot that my dads weren't home to look after Penny, that's all"
"How is she? I haven't seen her in a few days"
"She's good"
"Cool"

He leads me over to the piano where everyone else is as they all start talking again. I zone out as the noise of the talking grows more fuzzy and distant.

How am I supposed to look after a child? What would Sam say? I don't wanna lose him. Am I ready? Wait. Is it even Sams?

"Lillie?" Ryder waves "You good?"

I snap out of my trance.

"Oh, sorry, yeah I'm just a little tired"

Ryder nods before Mr Shue walks in.

"Hey, guys, in spite of the complete lack of representation at the Career Fair, I know that a lot of you are thinking about a career in the arts"

'Great. Another thing to worry about' I think to myself.

"Well, it's no secret that Sue Sylvester doesn't believe that an artistic career is a very practical idea. And for once, I have to admit she's right. It's completely impractical. You know, anyone pursuing the arts needs to go in with their eyes wide open. We're talking zero job security and impossible odds. But...I've always believed that you have to pursue what you love"

Sam hugs me from behind as we listen to Mr Shue. Maybe he wont leave me?

"And that's why this weeks assignment is about a goofy-looking kid who struggled for years in the music business"
"Is it Rachel?" I whisper to Sam making him snicker.
"Finally. It's Marilyn Manson week" Kitty smiles to herself.
"Close. Billy Joel"
"Who?" Unique asks.
"Just a musical genius who's sold over 150 million records worldwide" Artie glares at Unique.
"That's right. Billy had to fight every step of the way in his career. He had countless failures and disappointments: writing songs that nobody wanted, playing piano in seedy bars just to pay the rent, being told he'd never make it because he didn't look 'right.'"
"Translation: Too Jewish" Jake says with an accent.
"But he ignored the haters and he kept pursuing his dream, becoming the third best-selling solo artist of all time. I mean, he is a true inspiration to anyone pursuing a career in the arts, like our very own Mr Blaine Anderson and Mr Sam Evans"

We all cheer for them both. Atleast they have plans for the future. I feel happy for them, but I wish I knew what I want to do.

"All right, as some of you may or may not know, this week is my big NYADA audition. I know. It's terrifying. So I'm leaving today to maybe get some last-minute tips from Kurt and Rachel" Blaine says excitedly.
"And I'm going with him because I have an interview with the theatre department at Hunter College. They saw and they loved my Tornado of Talent impressions reel. And I'm up for this awesome scholarship, the Channing Tatum Former Male Stripper Grant" Sam grins.
"But, we spoke to Mr Shue, and, because we have to miss this week's lesson, he thought the least we could do is maybe..." Blaine begins.
"Kick it off with our very own take on a classic BJ" Sam finishes. There's silence, waiting for Sam to correct himself "Billy...Billy Joel. Hit it"
"I'm gonna miss you. Have the best time, okay? I love you" I whiper to Sam before the music starts.