Try to Fix You (Cameron Dallas)

Part 19

TRIGGER WARNING
It's been a whole week and I feel.... dead.

He has already moved on with those bitches he talked to before.

I have no one now.

There is so sense in talking, or trying, or breathing. I just don't care anymore.

I hear a knock on my door and see Sarah standing in the doorway.

"I'm taking Dylan to a play date then to the grocery store. Do you want anything?" She speaks softly.

I shake my head no and turn back to staring at the ceiling.

After an hour passes, I get up to go pee.

I turn the corner to my bathroom and look into the mirror.

I haven't attempted to do any makeup, my hair is up and a mess, all I'm wearing is a tee and shorts.

I look down at my arms, which are covered in fresh cuts.

Same with my thighs and stomach, I just have nothing to hold on for.

"You ugly, fat bitch." I mumble to myself looking in the mirror.

All I can think about is Cameron calling me perfect. And Cameron kissing me. And Cameron playing with my hair. And Cameron giving me that necklace, which I still refuse to take off. And Cameron getting emotional when we watch movies like If I Stay and The Fault in our Stars. And Cameron's scruffy hair and big brown eyes. And Cameron being Cameron.

It's making me want to explode.

Inside of me is just empty. It's like my whole world has crumbed down. Or called you a slut for doing something you didn't even do. Because Cameron is my whole world.

Tears begin to stream down my face.

I grab a few pills from my depression medicine and swallow them.

I go pee, then go back into my room to throw a sweatshirt on me.

I stumble down the stairs and to the garage.

I hear the rain beat on the garage door.

I open the garage door and step out, barefoot, into the pouring rain.

From there I find a spot by the house and sit.

I feel the rain soak my clothes as I lean against the wall and stare off into the sky.

There is no point in me being here.

I should just die.

When I was little, I use to stare off into the sky and talk to my mom, like she could talk back. I would have full on conversations with her like she was actually here.

"Cameron doesn't love me anymore." I begin. "His friend, Nash, sabotaged our relationship and...... and....." I realize how stupid this is, but I continue. "I don't know what to do." I am pretty shirt I'm crying, but the rain is pouring on my face so I don't know.

I see a cars headlight in the distance.

I rest my head on the wall and stare at the car.

That was before I realize it's Cameron's car.

I see a blonde head in the passenger seat, which makes my heart sink.

After they pass, I stand up and walk back inside.

I take off my soaking wet close and throw them down the shoot.

Of course he doesn't want you, your a fat pig.

I say looking at myself in he mirror.

I go to the bathroom and grab my new razor, since Cameron threw away my old ones.

I immediately slice it on my stomach.

I continue to go down a line.

"Ugly."

"Fat."

"Bitch."

I say with my cuts.

I drop my blade and throw my head into my hands.
And sob.

I just want Cameron back.

~Monday~

beep beep beep

I turn off my alarm and stumble out of bed.

This is going to be a shitty day. Just like every other day this past week.

I walk over to my dresser and grab my maroon hoodie and black leggings.

I put those on and put my hair into a bun.

I shuffle down the steps to see Sarah in the kitchen.

"Oh honey, are you feeling okay?" She says sipping her coffee.

Of course I don't. I lost the love of my life and want to die.

"Yeah I am fine. Just not feeling today." I reply.

I grab a granola bar and stuff it into my hoodie pocket. I'm probably not going to eat it, but it's good that I am trying.

I say goodbye to Sarah and put on my shoes.

I walk out to my car and quickly turn on the engine.

I pull out of the driveway and zoom off to school.

It's not like I'm late or anything, actually I'm ten minutes early, but Jake will catch up to me if I'm on time and I just can't deal with that right now.

In a few minutes I get to the school and park my car.

While I'm gathering my books I hear a bang on the car window.

I whip my head around to see him. The devil. The jerk. Jake.

He motions me to get out of my car.

I swallow my nerves and slowly exit the car.

"Sup cutter. You are here early." He smirks at me.

I roll my eyes at his childish name calling.

"So are you." I say.

"Yeah, well I figured since I never get to see you in the hallway, you come early to avoid me. Is that so?"

I don't reply.

"Hey fucker answer me." He bangs me up against my car. Memory's of my father floods my mind.

"Get the hell away from me." I mumble.

"Listen babe, I know you fucked Nash then your little boyfriend caught you, but I don't want to deal with your moodiness." He chuckles.

"How do you know that?"

"Because I set the whole thing up! Your so stupid!" He laughs.

I feel tears brim my eyes. I begin to quickly walk away from him, but he sticks his leg out and trips me. Making all of his friends that are a few cars down laugh. I look over that them. My heart breaks when I see Cameron there with the group.