Infinity, My Dear

I walk down these crowded hallways with the sense of more hatred and regret than ever. Why must I feel so alone? ? I had never been one of those ‘popular’ kids. You know, Tons of friends, all the money in the world, and sex with every football player, or at least that’s what my school is like. In the eyes of my pupils, I’m just that weird emo girl in the back of the room. Nothing more, treated like less. Ever since I moved here nobody really talked to me, I would see why. I’m hideous. When I look in that dreaded mirror, all I see is something to change; My hair, make-up, clothes, weight, everything. I wish I could change everything.

I arrive at my last period class, biology. I walk through the doorway, getting a sudden rush of wind as it caught my face, sending chills down my spine. My arms began to burn as I rubbed my forearms to keep warm, forgetting about the several horizontal cuts that now lay across my skin. Fuck. I swear to myself, clenching the ends of my jacket to distract from the pain. I sit down at my desk and pull out my notes, smoothing out the creases in the papers, a hopeless effort. I put in my ear buds and switch to ‘Second & Sebring’ one of my favourite songs my the only group of people that have kept me sane through this hell I call my teenage life, Of Mice & Men. I close my eyes as I lean back in my desk to clear my head of nothing but the sounds of Austin Carlile.

“EMILY.” I hear, waking me from my daze. “would you like to join us please?” the teacher smirks, feeling as if she should win an award for her courageous effort. I sit up and begin to copy down my notes, which becomes lyrics as I drown the teacher out and get lost in my music more.

The class ends and I’m the first one out the door, like always, I don’t want to be trapped in that hell for any longer than I have to. “Hey Emily!” I hear from behind me. I gulp as I recognize the voice immediately, Bradley. I begin to walk faster, to hopefully out run him but his hand catches my shoulder, spinning me around to face him. “I just wanna talk babe.” He says, pinning me up against the now empty hallway. “im not your babe” I say, clenching my teeth in hopes that he will let me go. “like anyone else would date you, bitch. How many boyfriends have you had? Cant be more than zero!” he says slapping me across my cheek. “why don’t you learn to not exist? You worthless piece of shit.” He kicks me in the ribs and walks away. “kill yourself!” he sings as he high fives his friend who was keeping watch for teachers. I stand up and head for the door, hoping to god my mom is already here.