I Thought I Meant Something (HS&LPFF) & (Completed) +Bk 2

Chapter 6 ~ Things On The Mind

When you’ve got something on your mind its best to speak your mind right?

Like when I had a secret, I couldn’t tell a soul, everyone was angry, mad at me, well now here in this situation it isn’t the same. But its still hard, surrounded by One Direction, with something I want to get off my chest, something I want to speak about. I took a walk, a short stroll admiring the surrounds, when I heard someone running behind, me I spun around to see Louis. “Oh hey” he said I smiled “Hey Lou” he smiles at how I use his nickname “How’s Eleanor?” I ask most causally.

“Oh she’s fine, kind of interested in you” he says, I ignore the fact that his girlfriend is interested in me “Oh by the way Niall and Zayn’s girlfriends are kind of interested in you to” he adds in causally “Talk of the world now” I say “must be, I mean you make the Media go into melt down, Twitter crashed, I couldn’t look at Facebook without seeing something about you” “Yea, but I didn’t start it” I point out “but you sure helped end it” we both just laugh, “listen Harry told me he spoke with you, I know you know that I was the one along with Harry that got Liam to text you, I look back now and I see its dumb, but your friendship with Liam is something real, and I can’t help think I helped in a small way make it that” I smile thinking slight how that could be possible “I didn’t in anyway look you up, and stuff that Harry did, he thinks its wrong now, to he wanted to so many times to speak up, but we are so close and when something happens like that, its hard to speak up bout it cause we know that it wouldn’t be swallowed well” he explains “I know, about all that stuff” I say simply “but Liam should know, I know Liam isn’t past Dani, he may never be, but Harry helped them break up, and not me and a part of him every time he sees me blames me for it” I say Louis stops me from going any further, simply by resting a hand on my shoulder.

That’s when everything hits me, sure I’ve cried many times before about he situation, looked at my messed up life, and all the things that have happened, and burst into tears, begging that it could all end. And I know being here, seeing that small but noticeable look in Liam’s face, isn’t going to make it all end fully, and what will make it end will hurt! Distance the words springs to mind, there is a huge gap between here and Australia but is it big enough to make it end, sometimes I know I want to go right back there, crawl under the safety of my bed covers, and hope the world forgets there ever was a Mary-Joy! “MJ” Louis says so softly “Tell me what’s on your mind” “I can’t Louis” I say “we can’t be seen together, the media will think something is going on between us, I can’t go through that’s pain again” before second thought I rush off, my feet pound the pavement, my heart heaves heavily.

I don’t where I’m running to, but I know what I’m running away from. In the end I stop running, my lungs burn, and my mind races, my heart thumps heavily. Then the tears come, they come and come, and come and its most embarrassing, by some miracle I find my way back. A pull myself in shame through the front door. Liam is first by my side, then Harry, and Louis comes after that, “Did I say something?” he ask gently “What an earth man?” Harry demands.

“Sit down” commands Liam I take a sit “what happened?” he asks, I look into his eyes, they seem to be filled with worry, “do you blame me?” I ask quietly “what?” he asks and takes a sit beside me, I turn to him “Liam do you blame me for your break up with Dani?” I ask softly, it takes him a few moments to understand what I’m asking, and both Harry and Louis, looked shocked I’d ask. Liam swallows “No” he says finally “I don’t blame you at all, I’m thankful” he says “but that look.. that look on your face sometime when you look at me” I stammer “what look?” he demands but in  a soft voice “the look, there is this look in your eyes, and it makes me feel like you, blame me” Liam shakes his head “Oh I don’t blame you, not one bit, at first I did, but then I realised, and that look, your seeing, your reading it wrong, I look at you like that, cause I’m trying to figure out, if we can be anything more, I’m trying to see inside that heart of yours, that soul” he explains, I breath a sigh of relief “I understand now” he smiles “Does it still hurt?” he asks “He’s referring to the past” Harry chips in, I nod, but don’t look up. “Liam there’s a few things I need to I need to get of my chest, its time to clear my mind, there are some many things up there in my mind that I need to tell you Liam” says Harry, I bring my head up, I watch Louis grab Harry arm, he pulls away, Harry gives me a quick glance and whispers to Louis “Its time”.