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There's a smile on my face.

For the first time in five months there's a smile on my face. It's not a wide, teeth-filled grin that little kids have when they win a stuffed bear at a carnival. It's more a, I'm finally leaving this shit whole, type of grin.

The joints where my lips meet are curved up a fraction of an inch and that's all that matter's to me because I'm finally, finally, leaving this shit whole.

Fun fact, I used to love this suburban, wealthy, white man's American dream town that I once called my home.

But things are different now. It's all different. Even the colour of the sky, it used to be this vast painting of blue with fluffy white clouds that id imagined felt like the softest silk in the world and little birds with feathers of white and grey. Robins with chubby orange bellies sang Mozart as they danced within the silk.

Now the paints been chipped and collected dust, birds are out of tune and they don't dance in silk because it doesn't feel the same as it once did.

I wish I didn't notice little things like that but I do, and it's playing in my mind like a broken record and nobody will lift the pin.

I find myself begging, Just lift the pin someone lift the fucking pin lift the pin lift the pin lift the pin.

But maybe I deserve it. No. I do deserve it.

"I'm gonna miss you." Her button nose sniffled away her glass sheeted eyes and her fingertips are digging into my skin.

I simply nod and I'm forcing that fraction of an inch a little higher just to make her happy. "Remember and write to me, oh and I packed your hay-fever tablets, i know how you can get, there's a credit card in the zip pocket for emergencies and-"

"Mom." I cut her off because i can hear the shake in her voice, she meets my gaze for the first time in a while and i can feel a lump rise in my throat but i'm quick to swallow it down.

Her gold laced hands are holding onto mine for that extra second till i have to force it away. I give her a wave from the window as the train pulls away from the station.

Once she's out of sight I let out a long breath that I didn't realise I was even holding. The train is loud with laughter and chatter colliding with the repeating chug of the engine.

A couple people who look around my age pass by my seat and I'm guessing they are going to the same place I am.

I pull up my hood and hug my arms into myself while the music plays in my ears, it's so loud that everything else is dulled out and the anxiety growing in my stomach begins to subside.

I'm watching the window and how the houses and buildings fade into nothing but green fields and large rows of trees.

I try to imagine what it will be like there. Oak Hill Boarding School. Maybe the teachers carry around whips like they do in the movie and make you balance books on your head.

Id throw the book in their face.

The train comes to a stop after three long hours and I wait a moment for it to clear before I make my way out.

I shake the stiffness off my legs as I step onto the platform and I'm looking around till I spot a middle-aged-man with a brown scruffy beard and a perfectly tailored suit holding a sign that has my name written on it.

I'm pulling my hood down as I walk up to him, his eyes instantly met me, which I'm not surprised about since my hair makes me stand out.

My mother always says I was born during a sunset and was frozen In time.

"Isadora Rothschild I'm guessing?" He asks, glancing down to the sign to make sure he got my name right.

"Izzy is fine" I nod and press my lips into a thin line that I'm hoping will pass for a smile.

"Right" He breaths out, dropping the sign to his side. Without a word he takes both my suitcases and ushers for me to follow him.

He takes me into a car park which is practically empty, he walks to a pristinely clean, black Mercedes-Benz that looked like it is newly bought.

He placed my suitcases in the trunk and took my backpack from me. He then held the passenger door open for me but I was frozen to the spot, staring at the seat like I had just seen a ghost.

"Everything okay, Miss?"

"Is it okay if I sit in the back?" My fingers gripped the seam of my sleeve to hide the fact my hands were shaking.

"Of course." He nodded and flashed me a smile before walking around the car and opening the back passenger door.

I held the hand of the door as he pulled out of the parking lot. Within seconds we were surrounded in trees which looked like they spanned for miles.

We were driving for so long in silence, I knew that the school was secluded but I didn't release how far it would be from the nearest town.

"You haven't told me your name." I kept my eyes on the never ending woods while I played with a loose thread of my jeans.

"Randy, Randy Hunt." He answered.

We hit a bump on the road and a gasp left my mouth, I prayed that he didn't hear it but when I looked over to the rear view mirror he was watching me closely with knitted brows.

I kept my gaze down to my lap and tried to pretend I wasn't on edge. He didn't say anything for the rest of the ride, which I'm thankful for, and I noticed he slowed down which made me feel a little better.

I leaned forward when we approached a huge metal gate that twisted into fascinating designs, at the top the metal was curved to resemble the school badge which looked like an oak tree.

The gates opened to this horseshoe driveway with a fountain in the middle spraying crystal water that glowed in the bright sun.

My eyes widened at the Victorian building covered in bright green vines and blossoming flowers. Turrets sprouted from the dark tiled roofs while dormers shielded the shapeley and bay windows.

My jaw was practically on the floor which made Randy chuckle as he helped me with my bags. "Magnificent isn't it," He squinted threw the shine of the sun as he admired the architecture. "Twenty years Iv worked here and it never looses its beauty."

Randy carries my suitcases into the building while I glance around at the broad gardens and the hills surrounding the school and I wonder how long it is to the closest coffee shop.

I could seriously go for a coffee right now.

My eyes land on a boy crouched on one of the smaller roofs, smoke puffs from his lips and he's staring straight down at the drop below with the plainest yet saddest look on his face.

He has brown curly hair that falls over his face and I notice his arms are covered in black tattoos. If he didn't look like he was fresh out of Juvy I might say I'm attracted to him.

"Miss Rothschild!" Randy calls to me from the top of the stairs where he waits for me. I glance back to get one last look at the boy but he's gone now.

"Coming!"

_________

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