Impossible

9

It was dark, and Joshua was walking home. He felt almost satisfied, almost content. He would never be happy, no, but this was the closest he had come in a while.

He doubted he could ever be happy again without his Sam.

The route home from the graveyard was through a small piece of woodland, that looked eerily creepy, and Joshua would have been scared of it if it weren't for the fact Samuel had taken him to explore it when they were younger, and so he could never be scared of it anymore.

He was walking diligently through the wavering patches of light from the moon, picking up his feet to not fall over the tree roots sticking out of the ground when his arms were suddenly grabbed out of the shadows.

He let out a small yelp as he was turned around and a pair of lips pressed hazardously on his. Gasping, he pushed away, spluttering. He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand, a disgusted look on his face.

"W-what, I, who, wha-" He spluttered, searching for the words, confused, and repulsed at this strange attack.

"Hey, Josh, hey, it's ok, it's me," He heard whispered in a familiar calming voice. He frowned deeply, trying to pinpoint where it was recognisable from. Realisation hit him around the face, and he gasped, taking a few stumbling steps backwards.

"No, I..." He had prayed for this, but he never though it was true. He had never even dreamed of it happening. His throat ran dry.  The other figure took a small non-threatening step towards him, and his face was now light up by the light.

"It's me, don't worry Josh, it's just me." Samuel smiled softly, reaching out and holding his hand.

Joshua quivered and his balance eventually gave way, and he fell to his knees. "Oh Lord, this must be what temptation is," He whispered, his voice breaking, verging on crying, because all he wanted to do right now was run into his arms and finally hold him again.

But it couldn't be him, because he watched him die, he watched everything happen, he watched him burn until there was nothing left.

"Hey, hey, hey, no, it's ok," Samuel whispered, bending down on his knees too, and slowly reaching in to cup his face, tilting it slowly until he was looking at him.

Joshua finally gave way, sobbing and throwing around him, pressing his face into the crook of his neck. He had missed him, for ages, nearly a full year he had been alone, and now he was here again. And it was all he had begged for.

The other boy gasped softly, and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. "I've got you, I'm here, its ok, I'm here, don't worry, it's all ok now." He soothed, never wanting to let him go.

*****

"I just... I just don't understand," He whispers, looking over once more at his thought to be deceased friend.

They were finally in the comfort of his own home, and he hoped no one had seen them sneak in. His home had been a plan of misery and distress for almost a year now, and to finally see Samuel back in it was somewhat distressing.

"And you're acting like I do," He chuckles softly.

"But... I just..." Joshua sighs gently, and sits down, bringing his knees up to his chest and hugging them tightly. "It's so confusing, I can't... I watched you..." He trailed off not, wanting to say it.

"I know, I know. I don't understand either, trust me." Samuel looked at him with sympathetic eyes.

"I don't know what to do here, you're just suddenly back, and I... Oh God, we could be accused of witchcraft if anyone finds out." He buries his face in his hands, despairing.

"Hey, hey," He says gently, leaning towards him and taking one of his hands in his own, "It'll be fine, no one will find out."

"But how do you know?"

"I just do... Trust me."

And he leaned in and kissed him before he had time to say anything more. Joshua was stricken slightly, he had never thought of doing anything like this, it had never crossed his mind. But it felt so good, so right, better than any time he had kissed a woman. But... but they couldn't.

He pulled away, looking down, his cheeks flushed, "We can't." He whispered.

"Why can't we?" Samuel breathed, slowly bringing his hand up and cupping the other boy's cheek gently, his fingers curled in his hair, slowly bringing his face closer to his, knowing he wouldn't pull away.

"B-but... because-" His heart was racing, it was all he wanted, but he was scared at the same time.

"Oh?" He laughed, their lips mere centimetres away.

"'Man shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination," Joshua quoted, and they were so close to kissing again he could feel his breath against his lips. One of his hands impulsively crept up to rest on Samuel's chest.

"'Man shall not lie with young boys as with a woman; it is an abomination,'" Samuel corrected, and there was no arguing with that, so when they kissed again, Joshua did not pull away.

He didn't even consider it.

It was finally what he had always supposed, what he had always secretly wanted all these years. What tore him apart. And to know that that was exactly what he wanted too, it gave him a pure feeling of happiness that no words could describe.

Of course, he considered it a few times that it would be a sin, if anything, and if anyone found out he could be killed for this and witchcraft. But no one was going to find out.

He slipped his hand up and it tangled in Samuel's hair, pulling him closer. There was a sort of urgency in the kiss, yet at the same time the desire to take it slow and to not rush anything. It was perfect.

Samuel gently reached over and pulled him out of his seat and into his lap.

Joshua was nervous, scared, and hesitant, but he was drunk on his newfound feelings for his friend, and kissed him back lovingly, his breath shaky.

The other boy pulled at his hair gently, attempting to deepen the kiss, but he broke away, nervous.

"Are you ok?" Samuel whispered, gently caressing his cheek.

Joshua looked down, unable to look him in his eyes.

"It's ok," He soothed, "We don't have to go any further. Just you and me here, that's enough. That's enough for me."