If

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A cozy home. A wooden sofa. Alcohol on the table. A random night. You, having a drink with my sister's friends.

I wasn't even sure where I was. Was I standing near the doorway? Was I sitting beside you? I don't remember. What I remember was that smile.

To some, it was just another small laugh. But to me, it was the most mysterious expression I've seen you wore.

A little shake of the head, followed by a small grin, a glass held up to your chin as you drank it's content.

If someone were to ask me what comes to my mind when I accidentally think of you, this would be my answer.

Why, exactly? I don't know.

All I know was that it was a moment where I questioned myself for the first time.

"Do I really know you?"

No one probably noticed. Atleast, I hope no one did.

I was looking at you the whole time. Staring with awe, confusion, pain, and love.

I was awestruck at how you could make such an expression.
One that shook me to my core as it made me feel all sorts of emotions.

I was confused. Were those real? Was that a smile of someone having fun or someone who's pretending to?

I was frustrated that I couldn't understand. That I couldn't comprehend what you were trying to convey.

It pained me, having to realize that maybe, I never really understood you at all. Maybe I didn't really know you.

The rollercoaster of emotions terrified me. Yet, I also found myself falling for that smile. That smile that its meaning - I wasn't able to truly identify.

Several years later, the memory still pains me. The emotions I felt still scares me.

But, if someone were to ask me what is my favorite memory of you, this is what I have to say.