LUST C.H|| book 1

Drugs x  alcohol

Warning ⚠️ may contain sad moments and sh

Chapter 6

"Glad you're back Eli mom isn't back until a few months you have all the space to yourself I'll be in my room if you need me", nick said he walks out closing the door. That still made me wonder where did mom possibly go? With all that time she just disappears without a goodbye or note. Jesus my room way better with things I already had instead it looks like a fresh new room, I didn't need my reasons to come back only because Im a bother to someone's company. That didn't matter, of course it did as long as Calum was happy I was around it should be it, two can play that game. Who knows I've never had a problem people like him who Just love to hate for no reason. It's better to let it slide and not come back, I go through my phone I see missed calls and un read messages from Calum. This was great who knew how much a man actually cared once for me, I didn't want to ignore him but ghosting him would be worse he's probably going to ask why I ran off without him knowing, he's such  very sweet but how much he loves to care for one another like a brother to his friends too. Okay this has to be my first move to say "sorry I left", when really I left only because his douchebag best friend Ashton was giving me differently stares pointing out the obvious state for me to just go home already. I sure in hell would want to kick his ass but surely wouldn't at the same time from how humongous he is no offense but still.

"Hey I forgot to mention, dad left something for you", nick says giving me a mini box, which was really weird normally my dad would give me a call or text not too sure what could possibly be inside that box as I grab it settling it down my lamp shelf. Nick was still standing by the door step i furrowed my eyes with a "you can leave", face. "I want to see what it is, don't think your the only one that got one", he spats.my eyes widened so big it made me almost have a feeling he did this as an apology present getting his love back. as a daughter of his being th oldest i wouldn't tolerate any of his bullshit he puts us through i still love him, ''are you going to open it or not?'', he says impatiently, ''what's the hurry, is it something special?'', his face looked off turning away every second. this made me more concerned it wasn't a normal face he usually makes when he shows his level of ''oh god she's going to get mad'', i finally un wrapped the well packaging box filled with glitter and a basic pink color typical of him knowing i dislike that color so much thanks a lot to my mother. ''what the hell is this!, is this some sort of sick prank of his idea!?'', ,my lungs screetch furiously. ''i know you don't want to talk about it, but why are you doing this?, obviously he would find out but do you really hate your life that bad?'', he seriously asked grogily. my eyes refused to look at him, this didn't felt like ''home sweet home'', again more like rotten hell home from suferring severe depression kicking in once again after two months of not once wanting to do it. ''don't get me wrong i understand not only by your un seen scars but it's time i show you something'', i hear his sleeves pulling up my eyes watered down so fast, ''what is wrong with you, this isn't who you are!'', my voice cracks. ''you think i didn't want to do this too?!, i fucking had a choice not an option elise!'', he yelled at me his cheeks red as a strawberry. I secretly see three little zip locks in his pockets as it obviously looks like he carried drugs with him, he was carrying it like he was about to go take a hit snorting it all up all at once.

it felt like yesturday when he was just a happy boy on earth got what he wanted dreaming keeping his head up constantly having a smile of his that showed so much worth to live for only if i known what had been going inside his mind. he's not the one i should be blaming considering most of the times he bullies me or makes pratical disgusting jokes around mom too not giving a single fuck. i should've known he was also in pain, my feelings cause me to lead me to being a train wreck. nick carefully wipes his tears away leaving slowly out the door step looking at me as he disappears. is it bad that i dont feel bad?, i mean look he does it to copy or for attention but like come on show me some mercy for crying out loud. i turn back to the un wrapped box taking the razor with the note along with it, my mirror reflection itself tells me i shouldn't do it myself conscious mind is desperate of need of help. maybe it isn't worth it knowing calum would of stopped me reminding how he almost did the same by the same figure expression he made good thing he doesn't know. I open the note it was well written nice hand written says: