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"What about him?". I asked back when I finally recovered from his sudden hot seat.
"Okay, nevermind if you don't want to talk about it. That's fine, but I'm right here- I'm just saying that I'm here ready to listen whenever you want". I pinned my eyes on the movie, I don't want to meet his eyes.
"You've been hiding everything since- s-since A-Abuela g... one". I still haven't answered him.
"You don't talk to us, why is that?". I bite my lips, in this way I can relax myself.
"Okay, I'm going to turn around. Just tell me everything you feel, all the pain, all the things that you've been through when I'm not beside you. Just lean on my back". He turned around. I finally looked at him, his back specifically. I looked at it for a few seconds then followed what he suggested.
I leaned my back to him. We stay quiet for the meantime. I suddenly feel my tears wanting to come out of my eyes. I started crying so hard, I never thought that I would shed tears like this. After the endless crying last year when all of that happened, I never cry again, not a single shed of tears. But now look at me.
All the pain that has been collected for the last year's become like this. I always stop myself from crying, I hated crying ever since that happened. For me crying is a sign of weakness, and for others it's not. I just hate seeing myself crying.
Leo stays quiet, letting me out all of it. I'm grateful despite me not having any friends here, he's here for me. I never ask him any of this, he just approaches me if he senses something is off.
"There you go... just let it out". I'm starting to calm down.
"You probably forgot that you have a twin, I can smell if something's wrong. We both have the same half genes, I can know if you are not okay". I chuckled softly when he said that.
"Just shut up, you're ruining my moment". We both snickered. I'm wiping my tears and finally getting more relaxed.
"Okay, hoo! what's your question again?". I exhaled sharply before I asked him.
"Are you okay?". I smile though he can't see it.
"Neutral, not okay but still okay? do you get it?". I don't know what I'm saying.
"Oh yeah, I get what you mean. I sometimes feel that". He replied.
"Why don't you want to go back there?". I thought I'm ready for that question, but I guess I'm not.
"Because...". I hold my breath before I continue.
"There are some things that I shouldn't remember, I'm just tired dealing with all the crap that I've experienced there. I feel like karma is always following me". I smile bitterly.
"Until now, I'm still blaming myself for what happened to you-"
"Shush! What are you talking about?! I'm fine now. I'm really lucky to be able to live again and I promise that this time, I will be a great- even great brother to you. That is not your fault and will never be your fault. Don't go back to the past, focus on the present and be ready in the future". Tears slowly streaming again, I sniffles.
