Two Ghosts

Chapter 14

Bucky's POV

As the night falls, I keep repeating that kiss over and over again in my head. During the day I have some flashbacks of her and me, but I choose not to tell her, it would only get her hopes up and I do not want to dissapoint her. I feel like a little kid, she left me watching TV while she finishes her bag for her trip. She says this is her favourite show of all times, so I thought I should give it a chance. Although I am still getting used to the new TV technology.

-Oh, I love that episode!-she walks in with a big smile and her bag full of clothes.-That's not even a word!-she says along with the show as she puts down the luggage. I laugh and stand up from the couch.-I wish I could watch it with you.
-You could...-Jade rolls her eyes and smiles again.-if you stayed.-she clicks her tongue. I place myself in front of her and clear her face from her hair by putting it behind her ear.
-Well, I can't do that.-she looks up at me. Actually, she looks at my lips, then she sighs and shrugs.-I have to keep you safe.
-But I am safe, that's why you brought me here, right?-I see the concearn growing in her eyes.
-I'll take you somewhere safer.-she promises. Then she grabs me by the collar and makes me lean in slowly.-Your pants' zipper is open.-she whispers, and I immediately look down to zip it up. She walks away letting out such a charming and sexy laugh...

Wow. Whatever I felt for her in the past must be really powerful for me to be feeling it even now that I do not have any memories of her. Well, not as many as I would like. Should I tell her I remembered those things? Would that make her stay? No, it probably would make her go faster.

-You already know where everything is, so I don't have to leave written instructions for you.-she begins with her goodbye as she moves from the kitchen to the living room, where I am.-But I did this just in case.-she offers me a piece of paper folded into a little square.-If you need to reach me, use this.-she hands me a little phone that looks nothing like the one she has.-They won't be able to track that.
-Remember when you asked me earlier if that kiss complicated things?-I start saying, and her face shifts into a concerned, and almost annoyed, expression.-It kinda complicated things for me.
-Why?-she takes one step closer to me and places one of her hands on her hip.
-Cuz now I don't wanna see you leave.-I reply, and her face relaxes. I hold the laugh, but not my smile for her reaction. She does not answer, instead she looks at me with melancholy in the iris of her eyes and sighs, I dare to say, in disappointment.-What?
-Everyday that passes, I can see the old you coming through more and more.-her hand caresses my cheek and she smiles.
-Honestly, I'm not sure who I am anymore.-I let out a fake laugh and look down at my feet.
-Me neither.-that's not the answer I expected. I bring my sight back to her face and wait for the rest of that sentence. There's got to be more of that sentence.-I'm just glad I get to witness you finding your new self everyday.-of course, she had to say the most adorable thing in the world.

It is so annoying how perfect she seems. I'm sure she has her flaws, but I am sure her good qualities can outshine her demons any day. She pulls me from the back of my neck and kisses me shortly before taking her bag and hanging it on her shoulder. When she leaves I feel empty, not as much as I felt when I gained my mind back, but it still feels crappy. I cannot believe this, but I already miss her.

But as she drives away, she planted a huge doubt on my head:

Who am I?

I sure am not who I was before the war, even though I do not remember most of it, I am not that man. And I am not what Hydra made of me anymore, or at least I try not to be. If I was something in between, shouldn't I feel less...lost? I know what I should do and what I should not, but I still don't think I can fit in in this moment of time. Am I even making sense? Probably not. What would Jade tell me if she were here? Do not blame yourself, leave the past in the past, take this as a chance? What about something that doesn't come in a fortune cookie? My God, she can eat thousands of those and not get enough. But she is so happy when she reads the little message I tend to forget how many she's eaten. How did I end up thinking of her? I was having an existencial breakdown and, somehow, my brain gravitates back to her. I always end up gravitating back to her, apparently, and I am not even trying.