A Woman Scorned

Part 19

For a minute Billy contemplated letting you leave. You were pissed at him, you probably needed some space, and if he was a good guy maybe he would have let you calm down before pushing you to talk about all that – but he also knew you. You were always looking for reasons to end things and letting you walk away would be giving you permission to do just that. Well, fuck that. He wasn't going to give you an easy out.

You were already outside the dive bar when Billy rushed towards you, whirling you around to face him.

"You really think I'm gonna let you leave?"

"Go back inside, Billy." There was resignation on your face, which scared him. Because if you weren't even angry enough to fight, he knew he already lost.

"You wanna know why I didn't tell them? This." He waved his fingers back and forth between him and you. "Those guys in there? We've been through fucking hell for each other. I'd kill for them. Hell, I'd even die for them if I had to." But they don't know me like you do. The words flitted through his brain but he didn't vocalize them; he was too angry. "The second I tell them about you, things change. I become a different guy. They don't see me the same way anymore because of how I feel about you. Fucking great, right?" Sarcasm saturated his tone. "Except you've always got one foot out the door. I tell them about you tonight. Tomorrow you're blocking me for some bullshit reason. How do I save face then, huh?" He angled you closer, forcing you to look at him. "How do I get over you if I change my whole fucking life for you?"

You shoved his hands away, stepping back. "You don't think I worry about the same thing when it comes to you?"

"I'm not the one always threatening to break things off," he pointed out.

"And why is it I do that? Maybe it's because I don't know where I stand with you!"

"Are you fucking kidding me? The only reason we're even together is because of me! Because I'm the one who always fucking fights for us!" He yelled back. "If I didn't push-"

"That's right, Billy, you push. You pushed yourself into my life, showing up at my business dinner with my boss, crashing my friends' parties. You do all of that, you force your way in but then you won't even acknowledge me as something more when we meet your friends?" You shook your head, agitated. "Why is it that you get to make decisions about how I impact your life but you won't let me do the same with mine? You think that's fair, Billy?"

The thought of losing you made him completely crazy. Worse, it left him feeling utterly alone and powerless, something he swore he was never going to feel again after growing up in all those fucking group homes. Maybe it wasn't fair, maybe he was an asshole, but if fighting dirty meant not losing you, he didn't regret a damn thing. "I don't give a fuck about fair, Y/N. You're mine. I'll do whatever it takes to hold on to you."

"Then stop pushing me away!"

"You think that's what I want?" Agitated, he ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to you. All I know is if I fuck up you'll run, which makes me fuck up even more." He took your hand and held it to his chest, trying desperately to make you understand. "I can't lose you. I won't!"