Phan-Near Death Experiences

Chapter 11-Remembering

Dan's POV.

'Right, so when she walks through the door I'll pretend to be asleep... and you'll tell her that now isn't a good time to wake me up, and to come back in four months!' I said, but all I got as a response was a sigh.

'I have a better plan. You don't pretend to be asleep, and I don't say anything to her.' He just didn't understand. 'It's only your mum, just talk to her!'

'Phil, I'm really not in the mood, you have no clue what she's like. She literally hates me.'

'And I'm not in the mood to lie to your mom. She'll be here at 8 o'clock..in 15 minutes, and you're going to talk to her! In the meantime, I'm going to get some food.' He got up, and left. How the hell am I going to tell my mum why I was here?! Hi Mom! Did you have a good weekend? Good, good. Why am I here? Oh, I just tried to kill myself apparently. How do you tell someone about something you don't remember? I mean, I can see why I did it-the list of reasons why is endless.

I'm gay, I've never really fit in-even at high school everyone hated me so I'm obviously not very well liked, I'm ugly, and I'm surprised Phil would even want to be seen with me. I was in a bad place before I met Phil. But, I was happy now, right?

 I sat thinking about this for a while, before I heard the voice.

'Where is Daniel?' Oh god.

'He's in the room down the hall.' She's early.

I heard the clicking of her shoes before she opened the door. 'Ah, Daniel.' She shut the door and stood with her hands on her hips.

'Hey.' She sighed loudly and sat in the arm chair next to my bed.

'The Doctors have told me about what happened. I just don't understand, Daniel. We've given you everything you've ever wanted and this is how you repay us?' Everything has to always be about her. 'Why can't you be more like your brother? You're such an ungrateful little shit all of the time. You never do anything for anyone apart from yourself, and you wonder why nobody likes you!' She looked me up and down, a disgraced look spread across her face. 'Did we not do enough for you?!' She stood up and took a step away from me, afraid to catch whatever disease I had that had driven me to do this.

'Mum, it's not like that. I-'

'I just can't get my head around why you've done this. And as for your friend Philip, he only told me you were in here a few days ago! I'm only your mother for goodness sake!' So she's known for a few days that I was in here, but she's only just decided to come and visit?

'Mum, he was too worried to think straight. He-'

'I'm your family Daniel, and that lanky, scruffy haired boy out there definitely is not! Sort out your priorities.' Oh if only she knew about us. I couldn't tell her, she'd kill me. 'And before you ask, yes, I do know about you and him.' Shit. Phil told her. 'Your father was very upset about it and he left, but I'm sure it's not true. You're just going through a phase that's all. You're not gay!' She chuckled.

'Mum, this isn't a phase.' I knew she'd take it like this. 'I am-'

'I'M NOT LETTING YOU! You're already the embarrassment of the family. Don't go making things worse! You're not gay for god's sake!'

'But Mum, I am.' And then she walked out of the room, without even saying goodbye. Well, she said goodbye to Phil.

'YOU'VE DONE THIS TO HIM. YOU'VE CHANGED HIM, AND I DON'T LIKE IT... OR YOU.' She always was a lovely woman to be around.

Phil's POV.

'YOU'VE CHANGED HIM, AND I DON'T LIKE IT... OR YOU.' Mrs Howell screeched at me, strutting out of the hospital corridor in a rage. Everyone was turning to look at me, and even though they had no idea what she was going on about, I could tell their opinions of me weren't great. I clutched my sandwich and bottle of Dr Pepper and walked towards Dan's room, sensing their eyes on my back as I walked. I turned the door handle, and stepped inside. Dan had his back to the door, and I would have thought he was asleep if I hadn't heard him crying into his pillow.

'Dan?' I dropped my food onto a chair and rushed over to him. I crouched down next to his bed and put a hand on his shoulder. 'Dan, talk to me babe. What's wrong?' He looked up at me, his eyes blood shot and filled to the brim with tears.

'I told you not to let her see me. She hates me like everyone else does.'

'That's not true! Why would you think that?' He laughed ironically.

'You know it's true, Phil! Everyone else would have been better off if I had have died!. All I get is grief off of people about who I am, and I know I can't change it! Everyone would have been happy if I was gone.'

'Daniel James Howell, don't you ever say anything like that ever again, because it's the biggest load of rubbish I've ever heard in my life.' He looked up at me with those gorgeous eyes of his. 'You are the funniest, loveliest, best friend I could ever wish for, so don't say that everyone would be happy if you were gone, because I wouldn't be. I don't know what I'd do without you, Dan. I really don't.' 

I was trying not to cry, but it was hard when I'd just heard Dan say all of that. A single tear strolled down my face, and Dan lifted his badly bruised hand and wiped it away gently. 'I spent ten hours thinking you were dead and that I'd never get to see you again, at it completely broke me. After that I spent two weeks not knowing if you would ever wake up again. Watching you struggle to even breathe. I can't imagine a world without you babe.' He sat up, wincing at the pain, and wrapped an arm around my neck.

'That mean's the world to me, and so do you, Phil.' He lent forward and kissed me, entwining his free hand in my hair. I could feel he was still crying as his tears touched my cheeks as he kissed me. He'd never kissed me like this before, it was more desperate -I could tell he was in a bad place tonight. I broke away from him and just hugged him. He just needed a friend to be with him tonight, nothing more. I squeezed onto the bed next to him and lay down. He nuzzled his head into my chest. His tears stopped, and his breathing became even. 'I'll love you forever, Phil, no matter what happens.' No matter what happens? I know I shouldn't have been thinking that deeply into what he'd said, but did that mean he was thinking of doing something again?

'I love you too, Dan -always.' He kissed my jaw and snuggled down into my neck. He eventually fell asleep but it only took about an hour for the nightmares to find a way to get to him. He woke up screaming loudly and crying. It took me ages to calm him down after he'd screamed about the hooded guy with the knife chasing after him - he finally went back to sleep.

Dan's POV.

It was dark, and I was in my room back at the flat. I couldn't see anything in the room, it was too dark. The only thing I could see was a shiny piece of metal, glistening on my desk. I was upset and really angry with myself. My stomach was itchy, and I walked over to the shiny object. I placed it on my belly. I knew I shouldn't be doing it, but I couldn't stop myself. Before I knew it a sharp searing pain clouded my vision, my stomach was covered in blood, and I collapsed onto the floor. My whole body hurt, but I felt happier now. Everything went blurry, and that's when I woke up.

'Dan, are you alright?' Phil said. I don't know. I thought. Maybe that wasn't just a dream.

'I remember, Phil. I did do it.'