False Confidence ; Jotakak

Your Broad Shoulders, My Wet Tears, You're Alive and I'm Still Here

CW ~ Sex, Misgendering, Discussion of female anatomy on a trans masc character, Unsafe Binding, 

I couldn't get used to the cane, and even with the guidance of the nurses, I couldn't find the bravery to walk. I was always scared that I'd run into something; I never went further than an inch at a time. It ended up just being easier to roll me around in a wheelchair, as though it had been my legs that were injured by the stand user. Jotaro wheeled me to the hotel everyone was staying at. The others had taken this recovery period as an opportunity to figure out where to go from here. Now that we were in Egypt, we had to discover where DIO was hiding, or at least find a way to acquire new information. Mister Joestar's clairvoyant abilities ended up being our saving grace. The other men gathered in Mister Joestar's room further down the hall, where they studied the information they'd acquired so far. Meanwhile, Jotaro wheeled me into his hotel room.

"Where do you want to go? Do you need the bathroom?"

I shook my head. "I'm okay here," I said softly. Jotaro didn't respond. I felt the rustle of clothes as he likely took off his hat and jacket. I heard him slide off his shoes too.

"I can get you a drink?" He wanted me to be comfortable, but I didn't know how to be. How could I be comfortable in a world of darkness?

"Okay, thank you." I heard him fumble with the mini-fridge. I heard him open a carbonated can; he placed it in my hand; it was cold. I brought it to my lips; it was cola.

"Let me lead you to the bed; it'll be more comfortable than the chair." I let him help me up and direct me to the bed. Jotaro put my drink on the bedside and helped me as I shuffled into position. I sat against the headboard with my legs stretched out in front of me. He took my shoes off.

"I'm blind, not disabled." I frowned. I felt infantilised with him undressing me.

"That's oxymoronic." He muttered. I head my shoes fall beside the bed.

"I'm going to have a quick shower. Just call if you need something." I nodded. The door to the bathroom was next to the bed, I heard Jotaro open it, but he didn't close it. I listened to the sound of him undressing and the water starting to run; I felt the heat of the steam come out of the room. As promised, Jotaro only showered for five minutes; once the water shut off, I heard him glide the towel over his body and hair. I heard him walk past me and dig through his luggage for clean clothes. I heard the thump of the towel hit the floor and the silkiness of cotton pyjamas against clean skin. I felt the bed beside me sink as all one hundred and twenty kilos of him laid down beside me.

I reached out my hand, and he took it, knowing exactly what I wanted, to touch, to feel a human connection after a cycle of clinical discomfort. If I could, if just eyes weren't bound shut, I'd cry. He just continued to hold my hand, not saying anything, not moving at all; I worried he'd fall asleep like that. This was my one night out of the hospital; he couldn't fall asleep just yet.

"Jotaro."

"Yeah?"

I took a breath. "I'll see again, someday, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"I-I still want you, even like this. I'm not a baby just because I need you to roll me around and open my soda cans for me."

I felt him sit up. He put a hand around my waist. "You want me?" He said it devilishly.

I blushed. "Come on, don't. Don't be like that, don't make it weird. I'm still embarrassed about it."

"Embarrassed about what?"

I guess this was the best time to give a straight answer. "About how much I want you, need you, all of you. But I can't give all of me to you."

"Of course, you can." I shook my head. "What are you so afraid of?"

"My body is ugly; it's bruised and burnt and scarred and tortured. It's a jigsaw, with all the wrong pieces."

He kissed my lips before I could think of another thought to say. "I don't care."

"You say that but-"

"I don't care." He kissed me harder; the hand that had rested on my hip was now in my hair.

"Prove it." I hissed in his ear.

"I will."

"Take my clothes off."

"It'd be my fucking pleasure."

He said it with the hunger that made me think he'd rip me to pieces given the chance, but instead, he helped me sit up before pulling my shirt up over my head. As he went to my belt, I whispered. "Take off the bandages."

He paused; I wish I could see his expression. He communicated so much through his face. And yet I was left only to rely on his words. "You're not hurt?"

I shook my head. "Take them off, please." It sounded pathetic, like a beg. He even chuckled at it. He slowly undid the bandages and let them fall to the floor. I felt the cool night air on my naked chest for the first time in weeks.

I could only imagine how I looked. The bruising from over-binding would be noticeable. I didn't hear any disappointment from Jotaro. He let his warm hand hold the skin against my ribs. "It looks painful." He said softly. His hands followed each rib as though he were tracing the bruises. I don't respond. As his hands went up to my breasts, I flinched.

Jotaro paused. "Is this alright?"

I noded.

"Use your words." He scolded me like a child.

I swallowed hard. "Yes. I want you to; it feels good." I'd never had anyone touch my breast before. And a part of me wanted to hate it, the same way I hated everything else, but my lust blurred every other emotion.

As he fondled my chest, I felt him lean in and kiss me. I kissed him back, brought my hands to his, and they cascaded down my body. After a minute, he pulled away. "Noriaki..."

"Yeah?"

"...you're a girl, aren't you."

I felt the colour drain from my face. I kicked up, hoping to sock him in the stomach--or the balls, but I missed. "Of course not, you fucking idiot!" It was an anger that choked my heart; I tried to get out of bed without my eyes. Jotaro held me to the bed. "Get your hands off me!"

"Noriaki!"

"Shut up! You ruined it." He eventually let go, but we both knew I wouldn't get far without him.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

I sat on the bed, begging for emotion to come. Begging for anger to overtake me. But I was numb. "You don't know what I know."

"I-I know you're a boy. Or a man, or whatever. You look like a man, you act like a man, you sound like a man—so, if you tell me you're a man, I have no reason to deny it."

I was quiet; we were both quiet. "I'm waiting for the "but" I hissed.

Jotaro sighed. "I know you were trying to tell me this in the submarine the other night. But I'm-I'm probably not anywhere near as worldly, or we'll-read as you. You know, things I don't understand fully. But I don't need to understand everything." He took a breath. "To understand that I love you."

I heard his voice shake as though he'd told me something incredibly difficult. I shuffled back to bed. I reached my arms out, signalling I wanted his embrace, he gave it. "Are you a virgin?" I whispered in his ear. He chuckled.

"Yes." He said with relief. The relief to know if forgiven him—for now.

I was worried he'd freeze and not know what to do when I took my pants off. If we had the same parts, at least he'd have some idea of what felt good, but he was going in blind. And what direction would I be? I wouldn't even look at my own body if I were floating in isolation through space.

"Me too," I said. "I'm probably going back to Japan. These injuries won't take me any further."

"I know."

"So this is our last night, really."

"Yeah." I could almost hear a smile.

I held on to him right. "Do you know where this is going?"

"I can guess." He said as he brushed a lock of hair out of my face. "You'd want me to do that to you?"

"Please."———Jotaro's POV:He was still beautiful even with half his face covered, bandages concealing two black eyes. Even though he hadn't showered for a couple of days, for we'd pulled him limply through the desert, where he would wake in a hospital bed, I still desired him. And once he gave me permission to exercise my innate desires, I realised I had to prepare myself for any possibility. I still wasn't sure what I'd find, but I was ready for anything. I unbuckled his belt and slid his trousers down his legs. He quivered slightly; either he was cold, nervous, or both.

I sat back on my heels and removed my own shirt and pants. It turned me on so much when he'd do it for me, but I had to make do with the circumstances I'd found myself in. I pushed all our clothes off the bed. Even though he couldn't see me, I felt embarrassed all the same. I admired his body for a moment. The lean, muscular physique, sharp jaw, collarbones, veiny hands, arms, and slender legs juxtapose the set of petite breasts on his chest. A fusion of everything I understood to be my own bisexuality. I handled my cock over my underwear, stroking myself a few times. But when Noriaki instinctively covered his chest with insecurity, I knew I had to break the silence.

"What can I do to make you more comfortable?"

"Touch me, so I know you're there. Just don't let me be alone."

That was easy. I wrapped my arms under his thighs and pulled him towards me. His head slid off the pillow, and his ass was pushed up against my crotch. His ankles rested in the small of my back. I positioned both hands of the bed between his shoulders and bent down to kiss him. He kissed softly back; I felt like I could kiss him forever.

I pulled back and wrapped my fingers around the waistband of his boxers. "Can I take these off?" I almost laughed at the absurdity of it. Never in a million years could I have predicted this moment.

Noriaki laughed back. "Yes." He said it with confidence, so I didn't hesitate. I removed Noraki's boxers all the way before I allowed myself to take in what I'd find underneath. I threw them on the ground with the rest of our clothes. I sucked in a deep breath as I got to see him naked, totally naked for the first time. Although his body was different, it was still beautiful. Oh felt my cock strain against my underwear; I took it as an opportunity to take my boxers off as well.As I did, I mustered enough courage to say something soppy. "You're beautiful."

I saw him smirk before he let out an embarrassed laugh. "So are you." He paused. "Given you haven't changed since the last time I saw you."

"I haven't." I smiled back. I looked down at the scene. A part of me was relieved that Noriaki had a female sex, for it saved me from all the complexities of homosexual sex. Would I feel envy? How would we decide what to do? How could you even prepare to be put in such a position? It would have been painful, messy sex in which both of us would have been totally blind. But at least I knew what I was supposed to do. At least I knew what went where. So at the end of the day, this part of my friend meant nothing. He was still Noriaki, even with or without certain characteristics. This was love, and love was its own language. Love would conquer all.