Choices

CHAPTER | 33

Radhika looked like she could cry any minute. She hated her life. She hated herself for not able to defend herself when she needed it the most.

No. Enough was enough. She was putting an end to all this today. She wasn't going to let her life be in a circle of misery all the time. This time, she had a plan.

The guy, whoever he might be would fall asleep eventually after draining out all of his energy on her. Radhika would use that time very effectively. She would use the saree to toss it across the fan. She would put a noose on it and then hang herself onto it. Though she would feel pain in that one moment, she knew that it would be her ultimate freedom, her destiny that she was fated for almost three years ago. It was only delayed to make her understand that the world was not going to change for her if she lived. Now that she knew, there was nothing left to hang on to.

When Revathi had taken her up from that railway station years ago, Radhika had always thought that she was given a second chance at life. She was proved false every day since then...

Radhika had put up a fight with her Daima when she had said that she was visiting another hotel. The hardships and the immeasurable agony that she had gone through the previous time was more than enough to scar her to life. But was Daima ready to listen to her rationalize?

It made Radhika recall the days when she had felt like a thousand knives were stabbing through her continuously. Her eyes dry and her spirit lost, Radhika hadn't felt alive till Vijay had made his entry in her life. Things had been sunny for a few days only to be snatched from her with brutal force. This time, there would be no Vijay to save her. There would be no hope. And there would be no pain.

That was when Radhika had come up with the plan. It seemed solid with no ambiguities and Radhika was more than ready.

"Are you always this sad when you get to new hotels?" Neela her hotel-companion asked her. "Last time too you were a little down. Is everything okay?"

No, nothing was okay. Couldn't Neela see that for herself? All the girls that had come to the hotel stood in a room with as little dress as possible on them only to sell themselves off for a higher bidder. It looked more like an Arabian sex slave market rather than a way to have endless erotic pleasures.

There were so many things that Radhika wanted to say. But she shrugged instead. It was of no use to talk to a girl who was comfortable in doing what she did. Radhika didn't judge them, but she had hoped that over time she would be comfortable too. But that never happened for her.

"Daima used to say that you are the highest bidder." Neela continued, not understanding the need of Radhika to be left alone. "She says that it is because you are a cry-baby that the men want you to be. Is that true?"

Radhika felt like killing herself at that very moment. Radhika cried and screamed no to every guy that came to her. But they never understood that no actually meant no. She never wanted them to believe that her no was asking them to try harder or push faster.

"I... I didn't want them." Radhika looked at the ground with shame. Her voice broke and her tears started afresh. "That... that was why..."

"Hey, hey." Neela panicked at the young girl's bleached face. She only wanted to make conversation; not push the girl into a crying mess. "I know. I hate it too sometimes."

Radhika looked at Neela with a different light. "You do?"

"Yeah." Neela shrugged, after noticing that Radhika had almost stopped crying. "I mean who likes it. But then again, its our profession. And someone great once said that we should always stay right to our profession as it is the means to give us food."