Chris Redfield x Reader

Thirty-Four

He sighed, lowering his head.

"I know. And I am sorry. If I could, I would change things.", he kissed your forehead.

You had to laugh, mockingly.

"Change things? How? What way?", you freed yourself from his embrace, stepping so far away from him that the rain started pouring down on you.

"(Y/N).", Chris tried to grab you again. "Get back. You're soaked already. If you get sick..."

"No, Chris. You don't understand. Or don't you want to understand? The only thing that could have been different back then is that you wouldn't stay here today. You'd be dead."

He sighed, more annoyed now.

"Yes, but you would be well."

Your eyes twitched. Angered, you showed your teeth.

"Well? Look at me! Look at you! Both of us are wrecks! Physically and mentally. Look at this!", you pointed towards the coffins. "This could be us. One of us or both. Those are twenty-seven victims. Not fallen soldiers, but murders. Some of them had families. One of them wasn't older than twenty. Murdered!"

As you screamed at him, cold rain fell onto you. It sunk into your clothes, causing goosebumps to grow on your skin.

Cold crawled into your body and paralysed you for a moment.

Breathing in sharply, Chris closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose.

"What do you want me to do about it? Start a revolution?! We're soldiers, for fucks sake.", he inhaled deeply, visibly not willing to keep this conversation going. "Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden? This wasn't the first time we lost companions, it won't be the last time either."

"But it was the first time I almost lost you!", you screamed at him. "I've never been this close to loosing you. I've never seen you this hurt and covered in blood. You weren't breathing! I've never feared to loose anybody, but I was afraid as I saw you. You almost died, Chris! You almost left me here all by myself..."

Suddenly, he froze.

His eyes widened, but he wasn't able to properly breath no more. His breath was shaking, the air burned in his lungs. For a moment, he just stared at you.

His eyes locked with yours. (E/C) and blue melted together.

His lips moved, he wanted to say something, but didn't know what.

"(Y/N)...", your name was like poison on his tongue.

It hurt him to say it out loud.

God, he looked so hurt, so helpless.

In that moment Chris was nothing but a boy, filled with fear. Now that realisation hit him, the fact that he could have lost you that day, he was left speechless.

With tears in your eyes you straightened your back. It was painful, the incident had dealt some damage to your ribs. It had been pure luck that your spine was still unharmed.

One centimetre closer and you would not have been able to walk to the funeral.

You took a deep breath, considering if you really wanted this. But you had to.

You still remembered how terrible you've had felt that day.

You still remembered the hesitation, the fear of what would happen.

But you said it anyways.

It was burning inside of you, like a fire that was slowly consuming you from the inside. It tore you apart, hurt you every day and every single night.

It would destroy you.

Sooner or later.

"I will not do this anymore.", you looked him dead in the eyes. "Not ever."

The feeling of rain on your skin was everywhere. It was like a cold hug, icy. It was as if the world tried to drown you.

And somehow, you wished it would succeed.

His eyes widened.

"What are you talking about?", he laughed, confused.

"I mean it the way I said it. I won't do any of this shit no more. I'll leave."

He snorted.

"You said that how many times now? You ran away for thousand times already and always returned.", his words sounded mocking.

He wasn't paying attention to what you've said.

He had heard it many times, in many different ways and the outcome had always been the same. You had turned your back on him without ever contacting anyone in any way, only to return a few months later.

Nothing changed, you said something, disappeared and returned like a beaten dog.

But in the end, it was the same circle over and over again.
With trembling lips, you took a step back as he tried to reach out for you.

Anger appeared on his face. He clenched his fists and curled his lips.

"Seriously (Y/N), you should get back under the umbrella.", he insisted. "Why are you so stubborn? Ha, if only you would be this persistent in running away. Maybe you'd not return all the time then."

Now, you snapped.

"More persistent?", you growled. "You're forgetting yourself, Chris."

"Oh, am I? At least I'm not the one who talks total bullshit at a funeral."

"I'll leave!"

"You always say that and in the end you return anyways."

"Little do you stubborn son of a bitch know that I have always returned because of you!", you were screaming so loud that your face turned red.

It hurt.

It hurt like hell to scream, it hurt like hell to move because of the rage that filled you.

But what really hurt like a bitch was that look in his eyes.

This pain.

This guilt.

Breathing heavily, you took another step away from him. Your legs wanted to run away, for good this time. They wanted to run and never return.

Tears ran down your cheeks. They felt hot.

But the rain against your skin felt as cold as ice.

"I always returned because I feared that you wouldn't make it without me.", you shivered from head to toe as the words left your mouth, those words that had wanted to pour out for so long. "I was done with all of this. The missions, death and fucking funerals. But I was never done with you. I wanted you to be safe. I wanted you to survive. So I returned. Every. Fucking. Time. But I can't do this anymore. And I won't. I am not done with you, Chris. But I will leave you, so I can leave all of this behind."

As the words reached his ears, he started to shake as well.

"N-no... No, you can't- this can't be real...", he stuttered, slowly processing everything.

"Truth hurts, doesn't it?", you wiped your tears with the sleeve of your suit. "But it is what it is. I'm sorry, Chris, but I won't be returning again. This was the last time. I'm done."