Goodbye for now

Match Me

It surprised me when he actually listened, I hadn't expected that. I thought he'd be pushy and keep invading my space, but he stopped touching me. He didn't leave me alone though, staying close and frantically tapping at his phone's screen. Minutes passed, and I still couldn't get my breathing under control. My face is surely turning blue at this point.

I want him gone. I don't want anyone near me. My nerves stand on edge at the thought of these men watching me. They're all going to leave me anyway. Everyone always leaves me so what's the point of pretending to care about me. My face sours into a scowl when they all crowd around me like I'm some kind of circus freak. Even Mick looks concerned. I don't need their pity. I never have and I never will. I would growl at them to leave me alone if my throat wasn't closing.

I'm choking and wheezing. I've never had it this bad before and I have no idea how to escape it. "Breathe normal, come on." His familiar haze clouds me as he tugs me off of the floor and settles me in his lap on the couch. I gasp for air, panicking more than before. "I can't!" I'm going to die. I'm totally going to die.

"Act like it," he snides.

I still can't breathe. My lungs burn from the effort. It's not working! Hoarsely, I try to force my lungs to suck in air. The strangled noises that come from me sound animalistic and wild. They scare me. I really can't breathe. I huff and puff faster as the panic rises once again. "Shh," he whispers as he brings his head near mine.

He continues speaking to me in a calm, soothing voice. "You're still breathing, okay? Focus on that small gateway allowing air through. Slow it down," I can't slow it down at all. I don't know how to breathe anymore, I feel unnatural in my own skin and I'm shaking in his arms. He's holding me against himself, subduing me, pressing my back against his chest."Breathe with me," he whispers into the sensitive crook of my neck. I suck in a faint breath.

"You're okay, mami," he says. "Match me."

I feel his chest expand against my shoulder blades. He feels so warm! I twist in his arms, but they just clamp down on my chest stronger. He pulls me in tighter, and something about it soothes me even though I should be worried about him crushing my lungs. I keep wheezing lightly.

He breathes on, hot and slow against me. His men talk in the distance. All of my senses are on edge. Everything that happens, I still experience at 110%. I can hear the hum of the fridge, the murmur of the city far below. My limbs drag and feel heavy. After a lot of effort, it gets easier, I'm doing it! I'm almost breathing. "There you go," he whispers. I gasp in another breath.

A hand comes up and caresses my cheek. "Nice and slow." There's sensuality in the way he says it. He breathes again himself, demonstrating. On the next breath, I match him. We're breathing together. It's so intimate and I can't help but wish we were naked. Our bodies move closely together, in tune and in sync with one another. It's like we're having sex. The eternal pleasure.

I crane my head around just enough to see that he has his eyes shut tightly, gently rocking me back and forth. "Stop moving," he growls softly. Like I have any choice with his arms wrapped around me like steel beams. My heart still pounds a little bit.

Breathe in. Hold... breathe out.

"Can you stay with me for a little bit?" My voice comes out small when I've finally completely calmed down. "Shit, ma, what you think this is? I ain't babysitting you. I'on got time to clean up your messes." My body shakes with rage. I've never felt this much anger crash into me ever before. I wrench myself violently out of his arms and his men scatter not wanting to be collaterally damaged. I can't think of anything witty to say, so I go with the one thing I know will cut deep. "I hate you," he gives no response to my viciousness. His face remains plain. Not showing the hurt I wanted him to feel.

"Hate me all you want but don't ever say I didn't take care of you" I stare down at him still seated on the couch. Is this man serious? "Took care of me? You ruined me. You lit the flame... and then watched me burn. That wasn't taking care of me" my voice comes out in a voracious deep growl. That seems to get him riled up. Not exactly what I wanted but it's something. "It's never enough for you. More, more, more. That's all it ever is." he leapt to his feet bringing his face uncomfortably close to mine. Wrath leaks off him and sinks into me. I feel his anger, I soak it up, I immerse myself in it, let it become a part of me, and let it influence me as well. Before I get to say anything he storms out of the apartment like a bat out of hell.

Rio's not the only one who gets to storm off. I stomp my way down the hall, heading to what's clearly the biggest bedroom. Mick soon makes himself scarce when he notices me coming his way. Screw him. Seriously, fuck everyone and everything. It all doesn't matter anyway, anymore. Nothing. Fucking. Matters. I hate where this is going but I can't slow down. I have to stop myself from screaming at him to get out when Jax comes into the room. He keeps his demeanor gentle. Not showing any hint of anger or frustration. He hands me a scalding cup of tea. I may not like tea but I certainly wouldn't reject his kindness. "You good, Mini?" My cheeks flush at the nickname he has for me.