Goodbye for now

Crimson Nightmare

I do my best to keep my breathing quiet not wanting to get caught again. I watch the men as they all sit around the living room. Crouching down by the wall is getting uncomfortable. They're discussing something about "the next phase" in low hushed murmurs. The coffee table's littered with papers that have gibberish printed on them. When I'm too slow at ducking my head behind the wall, Rio guides me back to bed for the third time this night.

"Please can I just sit with y'all? I won't even understand what you're talking about. You can trust me." He fluffs the pillows for me and tucks me in again. He opens his mouth to say something but then shakes his head and decides against it. "You need sleep." He says before leaving the room. Making sure to dim the light on his way out. I lay restlessly in bed for a few minutes then I sneak my way back out to the hall. This time, Mick drags me back to bed and he's not as gentle as Rio. He even locks the door.

Even though I can feel in my bones that Rio isn't close, I still rip the blanket off the bed looking for him. He's promised me that he'd sleep next to me every single night because I begged him to. He hasn't disappointed me. He's made it a habit but right now he's not here. I race to the kitchen looking for his keys but stop halfway there because I find Rio sitting on the couch watching some late-night news. Beast and Keys have joined him in the other couches. He doesn't protest when I force myself onto his lap and settle my head under his chin. The presenter drowns on and on in a boring monotonous voice. Wearing a dull blue suit. With a bland blue tie to match as he talks about the world's horrors.

Rio deposits me on the couch, then heads to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. I'm right behind him. I squeak when I crash into Rio's back because he stopped abruptly. He cranes his head back to look at me. He doesn't say anything, just sighs and keeps walking. He settles himself back underneath me on the couch and lets me fall asleep against him. I awaken slightly when I feel myself being moved and notice that Rio's carrying me to bed. My heart warms a little.

Rio's next to me tapping away at his screen. He's been texting non-stop for the past few days, barely lifting his head up to make eye contact with me. It annoys and frustrates me. "Who are you texting? Is it that bitch Camilla?" his head whips up to face me. Glaring at me. I leer back, daring him to try it. To deny what I already know. "Ay, watch your mouth," he says as if he's scolding a child. I click my tongue at him, roll onto my side, and angrily lie in bed while he continues texting. Gosh, the 'tap, tap, tap' sounds are so fucking annoying. If he doesn't stop soon I'm going to throw his phone into a wall. Luckily, it doesn't get to that point. He shuts off his phone and makes himself comfortable.

I stand in front of my nemesis again. This time, people will still be talking about it in the years to come. Not because I was the victor, but because I have been legendarily defeated. My spirit has been broken down and I've been reduced to tears. I try desperately to smooth down the fat bulge on my stomach and try to hide my repulsive hips. When Rio walked into the bedroom I looked at him with sad eyes. "Do you still think I'm beautiful?" I ask, begging him to reassure me. Hoping he'll tell me he loves me. I need it.

"Stop asking stupid questions." He replies as he double-checks the clip before storing everything away in the gun safe. I visibly deflate and my hands start trembling slightly. I steal a final glance at myself in the mirror before I walked away. Coming to sit down on the edge of the bed and rest my head in my hands. I feel like nothing. No, I feel like I'm even less than nothing. I jerk away from him when he touches my shoulder. "Hey," he whispers in a gentle tone. "Don't get all in that head of yours," he cups my chin and lifts my face so that I'll look at him.

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world to me," he squats down in front of me. Keeping his face level to mine so that he can gaze into my eyes. "You don't need nothing to plump up your face. Shit, ma, you fucking shine when you smile," his face pulls up into a smile when he notices that he's made me blush. He strokes the side of my face, my bruise is completely gone. "You good, ma?" He smirks. "Don't need a hug or s'mthing?" I squirm in embarrassment that I actually desperately want a hug. I can't make eye contact with him as I give him a small nod. He obliges me; he clasps his arms around me and lifts me up forcing me to wrap my legs around his waist. Oh god, this feels good.

Pain radiates through my body. It seeps into my bones right down to my fingertips. Another strong cramp rips a hoarse scream out from my throat. My tears turn scarlet as the thick sludge consumes me. Red is all my eyes can see. I'm melting. I scream out for help but no one comes. No one hears my desperate calls. "Wake the fuck up." I'm ripped out of my crimson nightmare when Rio shakes me awake. He checks to make sure I'm not still dreaming then sinks down so that he's laying again. "Damn, you screamed my ear off." He murmurs half asleep as he settles himself against me. When it's clear that I can't fall asleep, he starts rocking me against him, and soon, drowsiness overcomes me.

Rio tells me that I need to keep my mouth shut when the apartment sounds, notifying us that someone is at the door. I practically hold my breath when a strange man comes walking in. I excuse myself from the living room. Instead of going to the bedroom, I hang around in the hallway. Staying hidden in the shadows. The man gives me the creeps. I can't overlook the dread that looms over me and I can't do anything to ease it. My heart beats frantically and I put a hand on my chest trying to calm it. This man is bad news. The worst news. Rio hands the man the flash drive. I recognize that tiny piece of black plastic. When both of them leave together I feel my stomach churn. Panicked, I run to the bathroom and luckily I get there before my stomach empties all its contents. It burns my throat and I can't stop breathing heavily.

Jax makes soft soothing noises while he rinses a hand towel under the running water. He squeezes it out then brings it down onto my neck. I let out a sigh of relief. My whole body feels hot. He positions me to sit between his stretched-out legs. Keeping us on the floor, in the same place he found me, together. He cradles me and moves the hand towel all over my neck, shoulders, and face. I desperately needed this. I wheeze slightly when I feel another wave of nausea. Jax places a firm hand on my back and runs it slowly up and down. I manage to hold down nauseous waves with his help. Jax stays with me as a calming presence the entire time.