Goodbye for now

Somebody's Watching You

I stand in front of my opponent. My enemy. I strengthen my posture. This will be a battle for the ages. People will be talking about it for centuries. It will be epic. I ready my steed and ready my sword. I will not be caught off guard. Spread my feet, hip's width apart. Ready for the attack. But before I'm able to strike through the mirror, Rio tugs me back with his hand clasped around my lifted fist. "Ay, ay, ay, what you doing?" I stare back at the awful thing. Tears prick at my eyes when I catch another glimpse at my naked body. I'd spent what feels like the last hour scrutinizing myself in front of the mirror and I absolutely do not like what I see.

Rio gently guides me towards the closet that's stocked with all of the clothes I own. I throw on some casual sleepwear while Rio dries himself off from his shower. This is our first night together in a long time, I lock my body around his arm. I don't want to let him go. When he stirs while sleeping my eyes shoot open and I hold onto him tighter. Then he awakens and gently taps asking me to let him free. When he steps out of bed I almost trip over myself trying to follow him. It turns out he only needed to go to the bathroom. That doesn't deter me. I lean against the door frame waiting for him to return to bed. And he does. He stays next to me all night even though there's still tension in the air.

Something feels wrong.

I open my eyes to catch Rio at the edge of the bed, already fully dressed, quietly slipping on some shoes. It's like a sixth sense. I know when I'm about to be abandoned. The night is still pitch black and anxiety eats at me when he stands up. I move with him. Hot on his heels as he heads to the kitchen. Grabbing his keys. "Are you leaving me again?" I ask, my voice gentle. I don't think I want to know his answer. "I'll be back when I'm done." He doesn't look back at me, he's checking something on his phone. His words worry me. I can't hang onto these vague threads of hope. It's not enough.

"Please, don't do this to me. You have no idea how much you've already hurt me." I plead with him. He can't do this to me again. My body won't survive another blow. My heart stops beating when he takes his time responding to me. "I have no idea? Every single one of your tears fucking cut threw me like knives. Your pain? I felt it one thousand times over. Just go back to bed." So he was watching me. "If you walk out that door tonight. Take this ring with you," I keep my voice low, defeated. I don't want the guys hearing our fury. I'm pretty sure my heart gained another crack when I pulled it off my finger. I hold it out to him. A reverse proposal.

It hurts him just as much as it hurts me. "What'd I ever do to you?" he slowly drags himself to the other side of the kitchen island. Putting it between us. "My sister stopped talking to me because of you! She was the only person who was there for me through everything." My voice comes out way too loud. I'm getting hysterical. It's never his fault. He's a master at deflecting everything. "'Cause of me? You couldn't put the bottle down long enough to talk to her. You were also supposed to be there for her. Did you know she just had another kid? Yeah, you didn't. You fucked up too," his eyes burn with rage. When Rio goes in; he goes for the throat.

"I lost my child and you couldn't even shoot me a text." I'm not above flinging shit right back at him. If he wants to go for personal attacks. I'll reflect. I can be his mirror because he refuses to see his flaws himself. "Our child! Goddammit!" he punctuates his screaming by slamming his palms down onto the counter. It's so loud, it makes me jump back. "It didn't just spawn here. It was both of us. You wouldn't have gotten pregnant if my dick didn't get involved," he's mocking me; crudely, my face curls in disgust at his words. I will not let his revolting attitude get to me. "Well, fuck you and your dick."

"If you want me to hit it, turn around, bend over and spread your legs" he sends a cruel smirk my way like he's won. It's way too easy for him to get under my skin. My chest squeezes painfully as I beg my body not to cry. He shouldn't get to win this. I crouch down and lean against the island, hands covering my face as the unstoppable tears stream. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you" I repeat over and over again as my breathing staggers and stutters. Soon my rough breaths aren't the only thing that fill the silence. Footsteps sound, getting louder as the person nears us. Probably coming to check on us. Maybe they're worried about the screaming and hysterical crying.

I rush to our bedroom not wanting Horse to see my tear-stained face. It's faint but I can still hear them as he and Rio talk. "Damn, you are a different kind of stupid." Either Horse has balls of steel, is as dumb as a rock, or is close enough to Rio that he can rag on him without consequence. "Ayo, shut your bitch ass up. I'on wanna hear it." Comes Rio's angered reply. Surprisingly, that doesn't scare Horse off, "you done fucked up. You won't ever undo it. Never. That shit sticks," he seems satisfied with Rio's silence. He knows he makes a good point. Rio knows it too. Knows he's undeniably right.

I cover my head with the duvet and clutch it tightly around me like a cocoon when Rio hesitantly steps into the room with me. I speak first, "I think I want to go now, Rio. It's just best if I leave. This isn't fun. I don't like this." Everything will be better if I'm taken out of the equation. I bring misery everywhere I go. It follows me like a dark cloud. I've tried to change it but I really don't know how. Maybe I deserve it. "Just go back to sleep, okay?" he tucks my ring into my hand after he eases the blanket down. Forcing me to hold onto it. And I do.

I keep my fist closed tightly all night while I sleep.

In the morning, when I find Rio lying awake next to me in bed I tentatively slip the ring back on. He makes no effort to get himself out of bed. He looks tranquil. He's in no hurry. He's as calm as ever. When he turns his head to face me, I can see regret in his eyes. He won't admit it though. He'll never let the words pass his lips. As if they're venom and they'll hurt him.