[fatestaynight] King of fire

Patty cake, patty cake, I want to burn this school down

"So explain to me again how on earth you met kotomine Kirei."
Y/n is currently tied to a chair in the front room, his sister sat with his brother on the couch both giving him weird looks. His dad is sitting in front of him giving him a very odd glare while hunched down drinking coffee. His mother is doing paces up and down the living room asking them questions and being a very emotional person.

"You see mother, I decided to sit in the forest for a while just outside the castle grounds."
Y/n started trying to explain his bullshit story only to get stopped immediately by his mother
"Despite one of my only rules for you being that you can't leave the castle grounds?" Irisvel got very close to his face to intimidate him.
"Well yes but"
"No, No buts your gonna be in big trouble after this is over young man. Now let's hear the rest of the story."
She finally sits down ready to listen to what he has to say
"Well I was sat in the forest and I saw a man lonely.................err
Chopping firewood, and I was bored so I thought that maybe I could go talk to him."
"Have you ever heard of stranger danger!?" Irisvel interrupts his story once more asking what she believed was a rhetorical question.
But the response she got was unexpected
"No?!"
Y/n wasn't bluffing here ether he just genuinely didn't know the phrase
"O okay..................seems we need to teach you and shirou about that."

"Right to carry on with my story, so I went and talked to him and he seemed like a fine individual and after seeing just how much firewood he needed to carry I couldn't help myself from helping."
This obvious sucking up to the ideal of a hero justice actually worked to convince shirou but kirisugu wasn't fooled for a second.

"And once I got to the church to fire was so warm I just stop myself from falling asleep."
Y/n finished his bluff hoping that they would believe him. And
For everyone but kirisugu it worked!

"Fine, I'll believe you for now but don't think you've gotten away with no punishment!!"
Y/n gulped for the first time in a long time he felt true fear
"Tomorrow when you go to school you need to walk with Illya"
"Ahh!"
"You need to volunteer after school with shirou!"
"The horror!"
"And no shed for a week!"
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

And so here y/n was sat in a circle of imbeciles while they sing patty cake around in a circle.

Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man
Bake me a cake as fast as you can
Pat it and prick it and mark it with 'B'
Put it in the oven for baby and me
After thousands of years of evolution is this where humanity has gotten? Is this the future foreshown by the wise golden king?
Are he and the king of mages laughing at him now?

Meanwhile in Chaldea caster, Gil and Romani burst out laughing for unknown reasons

For baby and me
For baby and me
Put it in the oven for baby and me
"Now while we're in a circle let's clap our hands as well!"
The lively teacher named Miss Fujimura said overly happy for no reason.
When I get stronger I'm going to burn this school down, you old hag

Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man
Bake me a cake as fast as you can
Pat it and prick it and mark it with 'B'
Put it in the oven for baby and me
Is this song some sort of ancient spell used to kill through Boredom? Perhaps a ritual from the age of the gods to summon a beast of the evils of humanity?

For baby and me
For baby and me
Put it in the oven for baby and me!
"Now let sing it again!" Fujimaru shouts out to the kids who happily begin singing again.
If only I could do something without being caught..............wait in the future I shall become the greatest mage on earth mastering every magic and magecraft! So I must have obtained clairvoyance! Future me! Give me an assist!

A small rubber seeming to appear from nowhere hits miss Fujimaru on the head causing her to fall back and land on her head knocking her unconscious. thanks, future me! He thought. And thus he ended the patty cake hell.
As students rushed to get the nurse y/n sat there wondering what the hell he did to deserve this.