The Seat of My Heart

5 Not Everyone Is Honorable

While Jusha Lale might have said that he wasn't angry, Susha Unhuor was not so sure about that. Going over and sitting down opposite him, he felt quite awkward. He couldn't help but feel that maybe he should explain himself some more but he also didn't know what to say. Staying quiet didn't feel right though. It made things even more awkward. Back when they had been traveling, there had at least been something around them that he could focus on but now, it was just the two of them and he had just asked the other person's aunt about his life, making him feel guilty.

He hemmed and hawed for a while but this time, Shunche had to get the person from somewhere else in the city. Who knew how long it would be until he returned with that servant girl? He couldn't wait until then.

His gaze roved through the room and he finally cleared his throat. If he couldn't stay quiet but also couldn't talk about the elephant in the room, he should at least talk about something else. "So ... are you worried about what she said?"

Jusha Lale slightly raised his brows. "Which part?"

"That if something were to happen to you, there would not be a successor to the throne. I mean you're still young so you might not have paid too much thought to that? With what is happening right now, maybe you should have."

Jusha Lale gave a faint hum, his expression pensive.

Susha Unhuor waited but it didn't seem as if the dan really wanted to say anything about it. The warrior turned to the window, looking outside, hoping that the servant girl would soon be brought over. Otherwise, things would once again turn awkward. Had he really offended him deeply? But he also didn't feel that Jusha Lale was somebody who just paid lip service. If he was angry, he likely would have admitted to that before.

Just then, the king finally spoke up. "It isn't that I did not think about it. It is rather that I did not find anyone to marry."

This time, Susha Unhuor turned back with some surprise written in his features. "Is that so? I thought it wouldn't be difficult for a king. I mean you could just choose anyone, couldn't you?" Also ... it couldn't be denied that Jusha Lale was beautiful. If he asked, there would be few people willing to reject him even if he wasn't of high status but a commoner instead.

Jusha Lale smiled at that suggestion, not knowing what else was going through Susha Unhuor's head. "If I just pointed at someone and told them to marry me, you would probably be right. But what way of getting married is that?" He sighed and looked at the window, blinking against the light outside. There was a faint shimmer of nostalgia in his gaze. "I do remember my mother and I do remember how close she was to my father. And even after her death, he would often talk about her. In fact, I think what he finally died of was a broken heart because he could not stomach life without her.

"I have always hoped that I would find the same thing. But ... the longer I am king and the longer I try to look for somebody, the more I realize that maybe I am different. I've never met any woman that would elicit the wish in me to get closer to her."

Susha Unhuor awkwardly straightened up. This was definitely not the kind of conversation he wanted to start with the king. But he was the one who had brought it up in the first place. How could he now say that he minded it? "Maybe ... women just are the wrong thing to look at." He awkwardly wanted to drop the subject after saying so but Jusha Lale's expression became even more thoughtful as if he was really considering it.

"To be honest, I thought about that. I do think that maybe the thought is a little more bearable. But I still can't deny that it isn't much better with men. A look from afar is one thing but to actually get close ..." He seemed a little lost when he said so as if he couldn't quite understand it himself.