Wolf Girl (Book 1) REWRITING

Chapter 12: Jana

Jana's POV

She left me, she just walked away like it was nothing. Like we were nothing.

I sit in her room, staring out the window for the rest of the day, praying she'll change her mind and come running back over the mountains to me. I shouldn't have let her go alone but I can't leave either, this is my home. I worked too hard to fit in here and start building something for myself to throw it all away now. It took Rhydian and my friends to show me the beauty of the world, my father and the pack were holding me back from everything I could be. I want a future here, but Carys was supposed to be part of that. Since I met her, she's become so intertwined with everything I imagined for myself. I want a life with her. She's the one thing that I'm certain of, and now she's gone.

Is it selfish to stay here out of fear that I won't be able to keep my independence? Is that still what I want if I don't have her at my side?

Growing up the way I did, with the father I have, I was taught how valuable it is to be able to take care of myself. But now I have someone else to look out for too. It's not that she's not capable of taking care of herself, but why should she have to do it alone?

After all of the tears and the drama of her running away, here I am, talking myself into following her. And now I don't know what to do.

The social worker comes back an hour later, just like she said she would. Emma and Daniel tell her that Carys ran away to stay at an old friend's house and that there's no use looking for her. They knew- we all knew that she would still look for her anyway. It's her job.

I stay sitting in my spot by the window, wondering if I made the right choice in staying behind and the answer is getting less and less clear. Rhydian and Maddy try to be kind and make me feel better, and I smile and tell them I'm okay, but nothing can mask this pain. 

Eventually, I drag my aching body to Carys' bed. It's still made, her things are scattered around the room, and her books line the shelves, it's like she never left. I lay on top of the sheets, staring at the empty space next to me trying to remember what my fingertips felt when they touched her skin.

She should be next to me, not out in the wild. Or should I be there with her? Ceri will look after her no matter what her feelings are towards Geraint, she's too kind not to. Besides she feels like she owes her after what the pack did to Carys' father. And Aran and my father will keep an eye out too, if not for her sake then for mine.

I lie still all night, unable to doze off. My thoughts battle in my mind preventing my whole body from relaxing. In the morning I get up and get dressed, trying to pretend I'm fine. I skip breakfast, knowing it would be depressing and awkward sitting with everyone. I run into the woods instead. I run until I can't anymore and drop to the ground in the middle of the forest by the river, in our spot.

My eyes fill with tears, my hands shake, and I let out a long howl.

"I'm sorry, I should have come with you," I admit out loud, "I should have come with you," I hear my words, and everything becomes clear, "I'm coming with you."

How could I ever think I could be apart from her? After everything she went through with her mother, then Kincaid and her dad. How did I let it come to this? And what the hell am I doing crying in the forest, longing for her when I can just go to her?

I pull out my phone and type out a text to Rhydian.

I'm going to find Carys, I'm going to stay in the wild with her until she turns sixteen, sorry.

I hit send, and start running again, the exhaustion from a sleepless night is easily overcome by what I feel for her. So I don't stop running until I arrive at the camp.