You'll never have me

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

This cold weather made me not want to leave my home at all. I just felt like staying in all day and doing nothing at all. The wind was raging and I could only imagine it feeling harsh on my skin.
First up was breakfast.

Although it had been a while, nobody had forgotten about the drama that took place in the Thompson residence.
It was publicly known that Robert had affairs along the years, but the family always acted as if those were just rumors set up by jealous women and the tabloids.
Him being a multi-millionaire made it hard for them to live a private life. Everything they did was being watched through a magnifying glass.
At Claire's birthday party his secretary confronted him with the choice between her and his wife. She wanted him to get a divorce.
Now he finally had the balls to quit his marriage and leave his wife.
Well, that's what I read in the newspaper anyway.
With a cup of hot coffee in one hand and the newspaper in the other and read the whole article, like probably every one that morning.
Although I kinda hated Claire for how she came between me and Max, I still felt sorry for her. The fight on her birthday was horrible as it was, but now everyone in town(officially) knew her dad cheated and her parents were getting a divorce.
In the time I just moved here I remember her telling me that her parents used to fight a lot and that it made her unhappy. She couldn't really remember a time where they were actually happy.
Her mother was a nice, sweet woman, who was always very welcoming to me. She seemed like the typical trophy wife if you would just go by her looks. She was a tall blonde, with big fake boobies, platinum blonde hair and always wearing somewhat revealing clothes and high heels.
The first time I met her I already had my judgement about her ready, but once I got to know her a little better, it grew on me that she did all that just to keep her husband from cheating on her.
Sad actually.
I shoved the newspaper aside, when I heard my cell ring.
As if it was the devil interfering, Claire called me. To be honest I didn't feel like picking it up at all.
It had been a few weeks ever since I took my belongings from Max's place. It had also been a while since I spoke to Claire. I just couldn't bare hearing her talk about her new job at Woods Inc, while Max and I just broke up. It hurt too much.
Now that I felt sorry for her, because of all the drama with her parents I decided to answer her this time.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mira. It's Claire."
"I saw the newspaper, I'm so sorry for you. And your mom."
"Thanks."
Her voice sounded down.
"I tried to call you a lot. I wanted to tell you myself, but you never answered any of my calls. And you never returned them either", she said with an upset voice.
"I'm sorry. I have been really busy with my work and my mom."
Half of that was a lie.
"How is your mom?", she asked.
"Yeah she is okay."
"How is yours?", I asked.
Silence.
"Look, I'm really sorry you and Max broke up", she unexpectedly said.
My heartbeat accelerated. How could she even have the nerve to bring that up? Immediately I regretted picking up the phone.
I heaved a deep sigh and cleared my throat before saying anything.
"Yeah, thanks."
Silence again.
"You know I was wondering, maybe you want to meet up?"
"I don't know if your parents will like it if you get visitors right now", I hesitatingly spoke.
"Oh, don't worry about them. I'm at the Four Seasons right now. I really didn't feel like being around them. My home might be big, but not big enough for me to escape my fighting parents", she joked.
I laughed a little awkwardly.
"If you want we can meet up at my room. Or just sit in the restaurant, or bar."
"Okay, but I can't come right away, I have to go by my mom first."
"No problem. Just call me when you're almost here."
We said our goodbyes and hung up.
I wasn't actually planning on going over to my parents' house, but I wondered how my mom was doing.
An hour later I arrived at my parents' house.
I knocked twice then opened up the door and stepped in.
"Mira? What are you doing here?", my dad asked as he saw me walking in.
"I was wondering how mom was doing", I answered.
He looked worried and it kinda scared me.
"Dad? Is everything okay?"
I didn't even bother taking off my coat.
"Mira", he started, "I'm sorry for ... you know..."
I walked up to him. He looked so fragile right now.
"Dad. Me and Max broke up."
With all the strength I had in me, I tried to push back the tears that welled up.
"Oh honey...", he said and he put his arms around me. "I'm so sorry."
"No, you're not."
"Okay, maybe I'm not, but maybe this is for the best?", he said.
I broke free from his hug and shrugged.
"Yes, maybe it is. Anyway, I came to check on mom. Is she still taking her medicine and going to therapy?", I asked.
My dad shook his head. "She is lying on the couch. Ever since Julian is staying at a friend's in the frat house, she is like this."
We walked into the living room, where I found my mother laying down on the couch. She looked lifeless and she was very skinny.
"Hi mom', I whispered.
Her eyes could barely look at me. "Mira, hi."
My dad and I tried to get her to sit up straight, but she was too weak so we laid her back down. In a flash I saw the scars on her wrists from her attempt to take her own life.
"He mom, I'm sorry it took me so long to visit you again" I softly spoke.
She just smiled and grabbed my hand.
"Here, have a drink", I said. I grabbed her cup and brought the straw to her mouth.
"What happened mom?", I asked.
She didn't answer.
"How are you and Max?", she asked. Her eyes lit up a little.
"Actually mom, we broke up..."
She frowned and looked surprised.
"I'm sorry Mira", she whispered and pinched my hand.
"It's not important right now. You are", I said, forming a small smile on my face.
She smiled back and then closed her eyes again.
My dad signaled for me to come with him to the kitchen. He made us some tea and we sat down at the kitchen table.
I hung my coat over the back of the wooden chair. Carefully I took off my scarf, folded it and placed it on the table.
"Mira, I truly am sorry for what I have done to you. I shouldn't have", he apologized.
"I was just worried about you. I didn't want you to do anything you would regret. You, see, now you broke up with him anyway."
"Dad, Max and I breaking up has nothing to do with how you treated me."
"He was everything Julian and I thought him to be. Didn't he cheat on you with the daughter of that millionaire's man.. That um.. Thompson. The one I thought was your friend."
"You mean Claire. I really don't feel like sharing the details of my personal life with you, to be honest", I spoke.
My lips formed an 'o', and I blew against the hot steam that came from my mug.
"All I am saying is that I was right. That white man is not someone you should be messing with."
I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes. If my mom wasn't this weak, I would have become mad at him.
"Maybe we should leave my private life as it is. What's going on with mom?", I asked and took a small sip from my drink.
"Your mother really needs someone to take care of her. I can't because I'm at work a lot."
"How about Julian? Maybe he can come back home?", I carefully asked.
"Julian needs to focus on his school. If he can't afford to get bad grades right now. He'll be back around Christmas break."
I nodded in understanding. I think my brother also needed a break from my mother. It must have been hard for him too. Taking care of her, learning for school, making assignments, cooking and doing chores at home.
"How about Miss Miller? The last time I was here, I asked her to take my mom out a couple of times a week."
"She did at first. Your mother really enjoyed it, but because Julian and I had trouble letting her take her medicines, she started to change her behavior more and more. It got harder for Miss Miller to take her out. She did her best, but she also didn't really feel like getting yelled at."
"Of course, I get it. Maybe we should talk to the psychiatrist we spoke to at the hospital and ask for advice?", I suggested. "Is she still seeing a therapist?"
My dad shook his bowed head. His eyes were focused on his tea. I could see he struggled with what to do with my mom and this situation.
She was too 'good' to be admitted. He couldn't force her to take her meds or see the therapist.
"I already called the psychiatrist, Mira, but she told me there is nothing anyone could do right now. As harsh as it sounds, your mother needs to have another episode or do something to herself before they can do anything..", his voice faded away.
Angrily I stood up, shoving my chair away, which made it fall on the floor.
"What? So we just have to wait for her to try to commit suicide again?", I yelled.
"Mira! Calm down", my father said and signaled for me to sit down.
"I'm sorry", I whispered. "It's just frustrating to not be able to do anything."
"I know", he said.
"I just wish I could be here more often, but I just can't stay away from work", I said pensively.
"Maybe you could take leave for a few weeks or something?", my dad suggested.
"Dad, I wish I could, but I can't. It's way too busy right now."
"You're always busy." Blame echoed in the words he spoke.
I lowered my eyes and took the last sip of my tea.
"Yes, I am. But dad, I worked way too hard for this job. I can't give this up."
"Not even if you knew it would help your mother?", he asked.
I heaved a sigh. "Look dad I.."
In my head I tried to form the right words into a sentence that would not upset my dad, but anything I could come up with would do just that.
Another sigh escaped from my mouth.
"Of course I would do anything to help out mom, but you can't ask me to give up my job, dad. You just can't."
"Mira, I'm not asking you to give up your job. I'm just asking you to take paid leave. I'm sure you have enough days by now. When was the last time you took a few days off?"
That was actually a very good question. I couldn't even remember when I had a week or so off. It must have been a long while ago.
Work was just a nice distraction for now. With all the things concerning Max and Claire. Of course I couldn't tell my dad.
"I don't know when the last time was. I promise I will ask Mr. Hensley if I can take a few days off after we finish this project."
My dad nodded; "That would be very nice. You could even stay here a few days. Your old room is still the same."
"That's very nice, dad. Thank you. Until then I will at least try to call as much as I can", I said.
My dad looked at his watch and he then stood up.
"I have to go now."
I frowned at him. "Dad, it's Saturday. You can't just leave mom like this."
"I could pick up some extra shifts this month."
"Why would you do that?", I asked as I stood up too.
My dad walked to the hallway and put on his shoes and coat.
"Because the medical bills are coming in like pouring rain when the monsoon hits, honey. Someone needs to pay them."
My eyes caught the table in the living room which was strewn with papers. I figured they were all bills. I craned my head back to my dad, this made me feel even more guilty than I already did.
"You know what I can stay 'till after dinner, but then I have to go", I said.
My dad opened up the front door and the cold that was coming in was like a symbol. He turned his head around. "Maybe you can ask Miss Miller to stay with her until it's time for her to go to bed."
He only nodded his head and then closed the door to leave for his job.
"I don't need babysitting", a voice from the living room said.
"Mom?", I said and walked towards her.
She was sitting up and smiling a weak smile. The red flowery blanket, that she brought from India, was resting on her lap.
"I didn't mean it like that. You know, I would feel better if there was someone with you when dad is working." I tried to convince her, while I took a seat next to her.
She grabbed my hand and pinched it. Smiling at me.
"I could eat something. Can you make me something?", she asked. Even her voice sounded weak.
"Of course I can. I will make you something with extra love in it!", I said and got up. She smiled and turned on the tv. I prepared a warm meal for us both, with extra vegetables in it. While being in the kitchen I called Claire to tell her our appointment would have to wait until tonight. She actually was happy I called and told me it would fit her schedule better too. For someone who was sounding pretty upset this morning, she sounded awfully cheerful just now.
We had dinner together in front of the tv and I could tell she felt better already. Maybe it was because I was there with her. I could tell she really liked my company, which only fed my guilt more. If I wouldn't have been so selfish, maybe she wouldn't have been feeling this bad.
I decided to stay around longer than I initially had planned. It was around half past then, when I got up.
"I really have to go now mom. I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay dear. You go ahead now. I really loved that you were here. Please come by again soon", she said as she kissed my cheek.
I hugged her and said "I will mom. I promise."
On my way to my car Miss Miller almost bumped into me.
"Oh sorry Mira."
"It's okay", I said.
The cold wind felt like a thousand knives were cutting into my face. I shivered, as if that would help me get warm.
"How are you?", she asked. It seemed like the cold didn't bother her at all.
I tried to smile at her. "I'm okay. It was nice to visit my mom again after so long."
"I can imagine. I'm going over there right now. Your dad asked me to keep an eye out for her."
"Yes, I know. Thank you for being so helpful", I said to her.
"It's no problem at all", she said with a smile. "I don't mind helping out. I'm actually worried about your mom."
"Me too." I blew on my hands to keep them warm.
"I'm trying to let her take her medicine and make sure she gets out of the house, but it's hard. She's a very stubborn woman", she laughed.
That made me laugh too.
"I know. I wish she would just listen to others for a change. Next week I'm going to call the psychiatrist and see if I can get an appointment for her. Maybe I can get her there", I said.
"If you can't take her, I can", Miss Miller offered.
"Thank you, that's very nice of you. We'll see. First I need to convince her that it's not a bad thing to talk to someone about your problems. That's gonna be hard enough", I sighed.
Miss Miller gave me an encouraging pat on my back, then she brushed it saying; "You're doing the best you can. This is truly up to your mom. If she doesn't want any help, then it's done. There is only so much we can do to support her."
I knew she was right, but it was frustrating to me. It is always frustrating when you know that someone needs help and they themselves can't or won't see it.
"I do feel guilty about not being here as much."
"Sweetheart, you should not feel guilty. You are trying and it should not be your responsibility to take care of your mother", her soft voice spoke as she now patted my hair. "I take it you have enough to deal with in your personal life as it is."
Of course she was hinting on Max.
"You know Miss Miller, I should really go now. I am already late for my appointment. Thank you for staying with my mom tonight."
Then I opened up my car and got in it. Miss Miller waved at me and then walked to my parents' house.
I drove to the Four Seasons to finally meet up with Claire. I could totally understand her not being in her own home right now, although it was huge and if she didn't want to she could choose to not see anyone for days.
I wondered what it would be like to just say to yourself to book one of the most expensive hotels in the city and just stay there for a while.
Arriving at the hotel the valet was already waiting for me to take my car.
The lobby was very big and my eyes wandered around. Taking in all the luxury there was.
There were so many people there, arriving and leaving. Bell boys dragging around Louis Vuitton and Gucci suitcases. Women and men in fancy clothes. Business people that were drinking at the bar.
It was nice and warm compared to the cold outside.
I forgot to ask Claire in which room she was, so I had to call her.
"He girl!"
Okay, she sounded very happy. Maybe she had a drink or two.
"Hi, I didn't ask for your room number so I don't know where to go. Or are you coming down, so we can have a drink at the bar?", I asked.
"I don't really feel like going to the bar. Come on up", she said. "Room 598."
"Okay, bye."
I walked up to the elevators that looked as fancy as the rest of the hotel. I waited for one to open. There were a few people already waiting. Not long after I joined them, two elevators popped open with a ping and I stepped into one of them. I pushed the button and waited until the doors closed.
Most people got off before me, there was one woman who had to go up a few floors higher than me. She looked beautiful, she had on a golden gown. Her hair was tied up into a very neat bun and her dark brown skin was glistening and it matched perfectly with her gown.
"I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you are beautiful", I complimented her. "Thank you, that's very nice of you to say", she smiled.
"You're welcome", I said.
Then the elevator stopped and it was my cue to leave. I said goodbye and then got out. I searched for a sign on the walls to see where I should be headed.
Then I saw a sign with an arrow pointing right with the numbers 580-620 and I headed that way.
It felt like I walked forever until I reached her room. I knocked twice and waited for her to open.
"It's open, come in!", she yelled.
I opened the door and stepped into the room. It was huge. I felt like I was stepping into an apartment.
"Where are you?", I asked, slowly walking further into the room and looking around.
"Over here", I heard a voice say.
I turned to my left and she laid in a huge bed.
"Hi I.. -"
Then I stopped in my tracks as I saw who emerged from the bathroom.
Bare footed, drying his hair with a towel, pants half zipped and his shirt unbuttoned.
For a few seconds I didn't know what to say. I just stood there looking from Claire, who now sat up straight, bare chested, without any shame, to Max who looked up and saw me.
"You bitch!", he growled.
"What?", I whispered.
"Mira...not you.."
Claire laughed. "So I am the bitch now?" Is all she said.
"Cover yourself up", Max snorted and threw her dress at her.
"What the f..", I whispered.
"Mira wait. I can explain!", Max said. He tried to dress himself while he searched for his clothes.
I backed away slowly, my heartbeat rose to the highest level possible and I felt tears welling up.
Claire got out of bed and before I could see her fully naked I turned around to stumble to the door.
"Mira, baby, please wait."
"You are disgusting! Both of you", I cried.
Claire, now dressed, came after us. Max grabbed my arm and tried to stop me, but I pulled myself from his grip and shook him off. He buttoned up his shirt.
Claire stood behind Max and wanted to wrap her arms around his waist but he slapped her hands away and gave her a look. "Don't touch me."
"Here, don't forget your jacket", she said sultry.
He snatched it from her and held it in his hands.
"I'm sorry you had to find out like this", she smirked evil.
That was it, I turned around and ran to the elevators, Max following behind me while calling my name.
"Mira! It's not what you think!"
While running he put on his jacket.
I arrived at the elevators, crying and out of breath. Lucky for me they just opened up and I kept pushing the 'closed' button until the doors closed.
Max was a tad too late and I saw his desperate face slowly fading away.
Unfortunately I wasn't alone and so the people that were already in the elevator saw me crying.
I was so upset that I didn't even try to hide it, I just stood in a corner, waiting for the elevator to arrive down stairs so I could get off and get my car.
"Wasn't that Max Woods?", I heard someone whisper.
"I think it was", someone else whispered.
"He's making a mess of his life again", another person said.
"Always having trouble with the ladies."
Can't this elevator go any faster?

Finally I arrived at the lobby. Max was, of course, no surprise there, waiting for me.
"It's not what you think Mira. I swear. I never touched her. Please listen to me."
Halfway through the lobby, to keep things from escalating any further and stop people from looking I stopped.
"Okay, listen Max. Whatever the fuck you're doing with her, go ahead. We broke up anyway. You can do whatever you want and whoever you want."
Even though I of course didn't mean that at all, it wasn't like he cheated on me. We were separated, although we never actually said those words.
"Mira, you saw it all wro-"
"I'm gonna stop you right there. I don't care about your explanation, Mr. Woods. People are looking at us, talking about us. Everyone here knows who you are and I'm not looking to be in any tabloids or newspapers. I'll leave that up to you and Claire", I whispered.
"I don't fucking care who sees us. Or hears us. Mira I love you!", he exclaimed.
I looked around and although I knew it wasn't, it felt like I was the one in the scene in a movie where someone walks into a restaurant and everybody all of sudden stops what they are doing and starts staring.
I gave him a look and then I turned around and walked off. I could feel he had to suppress the urge to follow me.
All the while I had felt my phone buzz in my purse. It was probably Claire to say whatever she wanted to make me feel bad even more.
I had the valet get my car and was ready to drive off when someone tapped me on my shoulder.
"Max, leave me alone. I told you, I don't want to talk to you."
But it wasn't Max...