When Love Lasts

Chapter 3: Resolving Conflicts

Vihaan's POV

"Vihaan, let's break up." She said and hung up. I'm baffled. What? Why? I kick off my blankets and pace back and forth trying to get hold of her again. But she has switched it off. She switched off her phone, damn it. What the fuck is going on? Is everything alright? It is 11.27 pm here, which means it's 11.57 am. She should have been in her lectures.

I tried to call her friends. But none of them picks up. I want to find out what in the world has happened. I need to go back. I need to go back. But how can I go back? I feel agonized over everything. Why did I have to do this to us? Why? I knew what was in for me since I was 16. I knew about the life I would lead. Why did I have to bring her into my mess? She was already dealing with so much. I thought, what I thought was we could do it. Time, the distance wouldn't stand a chance against my love. That's what I believed. Now everything seems like a pink bubble. That burst with just a little prick.

No, I still believe we could overcome everything. I need to talk to her. I want her to feel secure with me. I don't want her to feel strangled. What should I do? My cousin. Right, he could help me right now. I quickly make required calls, because honestly, I am too jittery to book my tickets and complete every formality. Deep inside I'm extremely hurt. But I know there must be a reason behind everything.

__________________________________________

Right now I'm at the infirmary of my college. Taking an IV drip. My friends and a few teachers found me passed out in the bathroom stall. And this probably caused a huge commotion as well. But I can't care enough. My mental state is still isn't stable right now.

I just close my eyes and try to forget everything that has happened. My sense of realism is extremely messed up right now. I need to get back and sleep. The medicines will surely react again and I will have nightmares. But I guess nightmares will be better than what my life is now. The sun is down now. I better get back to my dorm.

I don't know how I reached the dorm and lie down on my bed. I just closed my eyes and wished for sleep to engulf me. I wanted the darkness to embrace me. The nightmares I expected didn't come. What could be worse than the nightmares you would ask? The happiness. The dream was so happy that I burst into tears.

I saw a beautiful dream. I saw us, going on a date, near the lake, clicking pictures and laughing together. Going back home, I lay on his lap and he read me a poem. The poem was the same. The one I wrote this afternoon. In his voice, the poem sounded a lot more poignant.

What's there left to feel?
What's there left to see?
Looking at the mirror
The demon staring back at me.
Me, who was once under control
Now hidden in a corner
With dusty ground
And high walls.
What if you feel tired
What if my darkness
Will suck you in
What if the light in you
Would be tainted by me
Is love more powerful
Than my darkness?
Will you be able to withstand it?
Will I be able to see you secretly crying
Yet smiling at me?
Neither you nor me
Can stand each other suffering
So let me be the bad guy
Let me push you away
So far away, that you never turn back.

Why does this always happen to me? I commanded myself not to cry. But I guess the brain and heart both conspired against me this very time. Brain replaying every single happy time spent together and heart crying bitterly. If I'm the one initiating separation doesn't mean I want to be apart. I need to do it! Does it mean I don't care? I don't love anymore? I absolutely do. While retrospecting my decisions I wondered whether I could have done this better? I could have talked to him about it. No, he would surely compromise. He wouldn't tell me what he actually feels, will he? And it would one day leave him empty inside out. I know, that day would hurt a million times more than it is hurting now. I know I needed to do this. But do I really think I could avoid him? Before I face him, I need to get my emotions in check and get my arguments ready without any loophole.