THINGS DRACO MALFOY MUST NOT DO IF HE VALUES HIS LIFE
1) Date Hermione Granger...
2) ...Or Goyle...
3) ...No matter how great the temptation may be.
4) Dye his hair black to match his withering soul.
5) He must not eat chinese...
6) ... It does not agree with him...
7) ...Or Voldemort.
8) Interviews about his Harry Potter rivalry are forbidden in the Manor...
9) ...As are Hippogriffs...
10) ...And Quirrel’s mankini (Turbans and water don’t mix!)
11) He shall not, by any means, swear his soul to Twilight!
12) Fan-girls are not a good source of religion.
13) The Death Eater’s prized tattoo’s cannot be recreated with black marker
14) Donuts will make him fat...
15) ... Fat is not a good look for a Malfoy...
16) ...Lucius’s high school yearbook is a good example of this.
17) He is not to replace Sarah’s clothing with a snakeskin dress.
18) He should remember that the Dark Lord is allergic to cats...
19) ... He must not own a cat.
20) Dobby is not his brother...
21) ...He is just small, not... Elfish at all
22) Bellatrix enjoys playing with her food...
23) ...He will stay away from anything that may stick to the ceiling.
24) He cannot interrupt Voldemort whilst he sleeps...
25) ...A beauty rest is essential for one as ugly as he.
26) Sarah is beautiful..
27) ...Therefore, a cactus is not a good replacement.
28) Hogwarts does not tolerate thievery...
29) ...He must do all his stealing at night.
30) J.K Rowling is mad, everyone knows that...
31) ... how else could she guess something so similar to his own life?
32) Bravery is for idiots.
33) Potter is an idiot.
34) As is Weasley.
35) And Crabbe, to an extent at least.
36) House-elves are not to be cooked...
37) ...Or chopped, diced or used as a replacement for chicken.
38) He is never to ask Voldemort to cook...
39) ...Poisoning is an unavoidable part of his cuisine.
40) Pansy Parkinson is only to be made-out if Sarah is either dead or frozen...
41) ...Or if her spirit is floating harmlessly around.
42) Making a dog-cat is not a good combination.
43) First time apparitions should not be into the middle of a desert...
44) ...Mainly because it’s nigh on impossible to get out of those situations.
45) Most people fish for fish....
46) ... Therefore, pulling in a shark under full view of Muggles isn’t the best idea.
47) Bellatrix’s blanket is not to be touched, stolen, spit on or looked at.
48) Draco Malfoy is a trademark of Bloomsbury Publishing...
49) ...Any use other than its intended purposes can result in fraud.
