51 THINGS LORD VOLDEMORT IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO
1) Play with Polly Pocket...
2)... It is not cool, even if Lucius does it.
3) Wear glitter...
4) ... Because he does NOT look like Edward Cullen
5)... Or any other vampires from Twilight
6)He shall not dress in a tutu...
7)... Just because Lucius can pull it off is NOT an excuse.
8)Start writing a journal...
9)... However manly he thinks it may be.
10)Learn Morse code and have private conversations with snakes...
11)... Because Parseltongue was getting OLD
12)Call Nagini "dog"
13)finish all his sentences with the words "in accordance to the phophecy."
14)Wear a cape that says "the Optimistic Chosen One"
15)He should not go to Dumbledore and insist on having a 'Strip Poker Night' to see whose more manlier
16)Ask the death eaters mysterious questions...
17)... before writing their answers down in a notepad, muttering something about "physcological issues".
18) Wear that cashmere sweater he bought...
19)... Even though it's a lovely salmon-colored shade of pink...
20)... And would bring out the red in his eyes.
21)Make cookies...
22)... Even though he looks rather fetching in those pink oven mitts.
23)Go swimming...
24)...in public...
25)... In budgie smugglers.
26)Attempt to plait Dumbledore's beard.
27)Try yoga
28)Change the Dark Mark to an image of a rainbow...
29)... Claiming that it's more "socially acceptable"
30)Return to Hogwarts as a student...
31)... yelling "it's not too late to learn!" In a singsong voice.
32)sign up as a volunteer for people in starvation...
33)... and steal their food.
34)He is not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Harry Potter.
35)Nor will he impersonate Harry Potter on Halloween.
36)He is not allowed to joke about Remus Lupin's "time of the month"....
37) ... Or allowed to buy him a flea collar.
38)Rename his Death Eaters after flowers...
39)... Lucius is in no way like a daisy.
40) Wash his cloak with bleach.
41) Wear white...
42)... It brings out his face...
43)... Unfortunately.
44)He is never allowed to "get a life"...
45)... The murder of Harry Potter is EVERYTHING!!!!!...
46)... Without it he's just a resurrected pale guy with no nose.
47) He will never give anyone "the finger", it's pale, spiderlike and gives everyone heebie-jeebies!
48)He cannot willingly beat Albus Dumbledore.
49) He is not allowed to teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
50)"OMGWTF" is not a spell.
51) Declare that Twilight is "in" and that he's off to seek his fortune with the Volturi.
Credit to:
keiyani for 18), 19) and 20) *cashmere sweater for the win!*
catchafallingstar for 3)
*did you like the twilight reference? XD*
XxMeganxX for 15)
*The most... off-putting bahahaha BAD MENTAL IMAGE!*
SarahSitterly for 48)
