In Your Eyes

11.

They were back in the car, and Patrick had drived away from the airport before he stopped at a parking lot, turning around to face her. Strangely enough, Ellen still didn't feel sad at all. Quite the conrary, she felt... happy. She had stoof up for herself. She hadn't let him abuse her. She was free.
Of course she was hurt, but it was more the fact that she had stayed with him when she could have had her own life, than the fact that he had cheated on her. It was hard to describe it, even to herself.

"Ellen?" Patrick's voice were low. She turned around to face him.

"I'm okay."

"Are you sure about that? Because, you know, you really don't have to be." He swallowed.

"Yeah, I'm... I'm okay. I am. He's... you know how it has been? I feel like..." Ellen's voice faded out. Why didn't it feel worse? It should. Even if she weren't in love with him and he had been an ass, it should feel worse. "I feel betrayed, mostly. But still, I'm more... relived? I don't know..."

She saw Patrick gripping he steering wheel tightly, and wondered what he thought about. He fixated the almost empty parking lot with his eyes, before he turned to her again, letting his hand rest on her leg.

"We could turn back again if you want... I will gladly beat him up for you."

Ellen felt the corners of her mouth jerk upwards. "No, I don't think that's necessary."

"Are you sure?" Patrick looked hopeful, a twinkle in his eyes. "I could take him down."

"I'm sure you could, but we don't want you to end up in prison, do we?"

"Oh, you know... we could... wait him out, run him over on the parking lot... say it was an accident."

Ellen giggled. "I'll think about it"

"Really Ellen, are you alright?" Patrick's voice was serious again. "Because I know... it's okay not to be okay. You don't have to be okay right now. I understand of you just want to be alone, or... do you want me to drive you somewhere?"

His hand had traveled up, now resting on her arm, squeezing it slightly. His eyes were filled with concern, and she knew that he would do whatever she asked him to. Something in her stomach began to stir up. She tried to swallow it down, but she couldn't. It spread through her veins, filling her with something... warm. Calm. She didn't need to be alone, she needed... him. It felt crazy and obvious at the same time.

She knew why Chris's betrayal didn't feel worse. She knew why she had the strange feeling of relief still running through her body. She understood why, when she saw Patrick standing up for her at the airport, she had felt more happy about the fact that he was doing it, than angry with Chris.

"Ellen?" he said again, snapping her out of her thoughts. She looked into his eyes and she didn't know what to say.

She was falling for him. She couldn't. It had only been a week and it was crazy. Sure it had been flirting, and it had even been kissing at the airport, but it wasn't... she was probably only a friend to him. They were attracted to each other, she knew that, but to be falling for him was a completely different thing. There was no way she could tell him.

But then what would she do? She couldn't stand the thought of him leaving. She couldn't face this by herself. But if she asked him to stay... if she stayed with him, she knew she wouldn't be able to stop herself from doing something. They would kiss. Maybe they would even have sex. She felt dizzy at the thought. That would be... she didn't know what that would be. Big. Huge. More amazing than anything.

But they couldn't do it. They couldn't, because, she was falling for him, and he wasn't falling for her, and it would hurt so much when he realized that. The best thing she could do was sending him away. Yes. She would do that, she thought as she opened her mouth.

She hadn't had the chance to say anything before Patrick speaked again, his voice soft. "Ellie," he said.

Suddenly she heard herself start speaking, but the words that came out wasn't the ones she had formed in her head.

"I'm not upset," se heard herself say. "I'm not. Or I am, but not as much as I should be. And that's bad, that's really bad, because I know why." She saw Patrick look at her, encouraging her to go on, so she did. "And I know this makes no sense at all even if you will probably say that it does, but it's just because you are so understanding and wonderful." She winced at the inside. Calling him wonderful. Not good. She had to stop.

She didn't. More words came out. "And I don't want to be alone, I want you to stay with me, but you can't do that because then things will happen and I want them to happen but you don't." She saw Patrick frown and continued before he had had the time to say anything. "Or maybe you do, but not in the same way as I do, and that's bad, that's really bad Patrick, because I don't want to be hurt. So you have to leave me here. Because you're not someone... if something would happen between us it's not because I want to get back at Chris. You're the reason that I'm not... hurt. Not like I should be."

"Ellie," Patrick said again, this time with a look in his eyes she couldn't identify. She didn't let him finish, because she had just realized something else, and she had already screwed up by telling him all of this so she could as well tell him that too.

"The reason that I'm not that hurt is, partly, that we weren't in love anymore... but... mostly... it's because I already felt like an emotional cheater myself... because... I... have been falling for you all week..." She let her head fall down in her hands at the last word's, hiding herself. How did that happen? She hadn't been planning on telling him anything of that. Now it was all gone. Gone and ruined, and would never come back. She was stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, for even thinking that something could have happened between them. He was probaly thinking of the best way to get her out of his car right now.

Suddenly, she felt him tugging at the sleeve of her shirt, trying to get her out of her hiding place. "Ellie?" he said, still tugging gently. "Little one, look at me..."

She couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Come on..." he said. "Look at me..." He stroked her hair, and that made her look up for a second. Apparently that was all he needed, as he moved his hands to pull at her hips so she had no choice but following his movements, making her fall over to half-sit in his lap in the driver seat. He moved one hand to her hair, the other one staying at her hip, as he pressed his forehead against her in the small space. His breath was tickling her lips, and thanks to his hand placement and the lack of space she couldn't do anything but wait for his next move. He brushed his lips lightly against hers, looking her straightly in the eyes. "Ellen Pompeo," he said, their noses now touching too, "would you like..." he kissed her softly again, "to go out on a date with me?"

"Yes," Ellen breathed, before their mouths mated again.