Anonymous

•Chapter 2• BEST FRIEND.

"I just don't know what to do anymore.
I don't want to quit.
But the voices. They're so fucking loud.
But how do you make the voices stop?
I just feel like I'm insane.
Nobody understands, and I can't explain." Roonie told me over text.

She just has these moments when all the weight of the world overwhelms her and brings her down. It sucks because I know exactly how it feels. So I replied, "Oh trust me sweatie, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about."

She told me, "I want them to stop. But how do you kill a voice, without killing yourself?"

She had a point. I didn't know how to answer her question with out getting sappy and unreal. And with this girl I'm always real. She's my BEST FRIEND, there's no way I'd tell her something false. "I don't know. I wish I could answer it but I have no fucking clue to be real with you." What I didn't tell her was that I have Schizophrenia, so I honestly do know exactly what she's talking about. And you can't just get rid of a medical problem at the flick of a switch.

"Yea. Nobody seems to know. I just feel so exhausted of hearing them. And they don't ever stop. I always seem to screw up lol. I wish I didn't, but I can't seem to help it. I'm sorry for bothering you lol. I'll leave ya alone now. Sorry."

My chest caved in, it felt so empty and crushed when she told me that. I can't stand it to know that she thinks that I get bothered by her. No Hun, I love when you come to me. I quickly texted back, "No Roonie stop. You're not bothering me. You're my very best friend. You're my whole life."

But it didn't seem to get to her and she just said, "You're my very best friend too. But I'm a very annoying person haha. Besides, you have problems too. And I shouldn't burden you with mine."

I wanted to hold her tight and tell her over and over again to never leave me alone, but all I could do was text her at the moment. "Never ever ever leave me alone. You hear me? I want to know all of you're problems. Stop thinking that I don't want to. Stop thinking that you "burden" me with you're problems. They're NOT stupid problems. They're important problems that I want to know because when you share them with me you're sharing part of you with me, I love to know more and more about you. You mean the world to me and I always want to know. Always? okay.?" I pleaded.

"Okay."

"I love you. Never leave me." I begged her.

"I love you too. Please you don't ever leave me." She asked me, and I said, to make sure she wouldn't leave, "I won't if you won't."

"Okay"

"Okay"

***

I couldn't breath. I felt an attack coming on. I had to text Roonie and try to calm down. She always helped. But I hate bothering her with my problems. "He literally just told me that I'm a burden. And that I'm a waste of time." Then I told her, "I-I'm sorry Roonie I'm probably such a waste of your time. I'm always texting you. I tell you everything and it's probably so annoying. I'm sorry I'm a burden. I'm so sorry." Then the little speech bubble popped up, indicating she was going to be there for me. I focused on breathing while she replied.

"No. Hun we were talking and he told me that he always texts you and you never respond. That's all he told me. So I thought you wanted him to leave you alone. So I told him to stop texting you. You're not a burden to him. He really likes you and when you don't respond he gets VERY upset. So I told him to stop. Partly because of him bothering you. You're none of those things. If anything I'm annoying. You don't annoy me. You make me so happy."

"I text like that with everyone except you and John. Corbin is such an idiot. I dumped him for a reason. And he thinks I'll treat him like we're still dating? Like I want to talk to him? No! I don't want to talk to him, and I know deep down that he doesn't want to talk to me. Why would anyone want to talk to me?" I questioned, depressed and tears clouding my eyes, making the fluorescent screen blurred.

"I love talking to you. I want to know everything about you. Your my VERY best friend. And I love talking to you, more than anyone." She told me, and I know she's my best friend, but I just couldn't think right. That seemed so insane.

"I'm sorry. Sorry I'm so weak. Sorry I'm a burden to you. Sorry I'm annoying. Sorry I bug you. Sorry I'm so needy. Sorry that I'm clingy. Sorry I'm pathetic. Sorry I make you worried. Sorry I make mistakes. Sorry I'm not perfect for you. Sorry for texting you too much or too little. Sorry for being ugly. Sorry I'm fat. Sorry I'm stupid. Sorry for being so slow all of the time. Sorry for being so dependent. Sorry for not growing up. Sorry for being rude. Sorry I'm mean. Sorry I'm selfish. Sorry I'm inconsiderate. Sorry for saying sorry too much. Sorry for saying sorry too little. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry Roonie." I cried out.

"You think your all those things. When you're none of those things. I want you to be clingy. I want you to need me. I want you annoy me. Because I love you Everly. I want you to ALWAYS talk to me. Because when you always talk to me, I know I can always talk to you. The thing about me, is that if you don't talk to me and tell me ALL of the things that make you mad or sad. Then I won't tell you because I feel annoying. I want you to tell me everything Everly. I want to know everything little thing about you. Because your my best friend. I want to know why you stay up all night. What thoughts come to your head at 3am. I want to know every good and bad thing about you. I want to know why you like John. I want to know everything Everly. Absolutely everything. I love you." Roonie informed me. And I couldn't help but sigh. She makes me feel like I actually matter. That maybe life would notice if I left. I love her so much.

"I love you too."

"Everly, do you get how much I love hearing about your problems?" She asked.

"Yes. And you understand I feel the SAME way??" Because I do. I need her and she needs me. We're best friends and we have to tell each other everything, it's like some unwritten rule. We have to keep each other going, and we will.

"Yes." She said.

"Okay good." I replied back, so thankful for her.
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Hey guys! I can't believe I have 45 views already!! I know it's really not a lot at all, but I feel really happy about that! It makes me feel great!! And by the way these first few chapters are going to be written like Everly and Roonie and John and their school is on spring break! That's all I really have to say for now :P love y'all! Xoxo!

-T I R E D
(Just got back from South Carolina, we drove. It's a 14 hour drive. -_-)