Am I Barry Pyramid?

Gordon And The Warriors Of Tek

After sixth form Cabinet went off to Keele University where soon he formed Fire Blankets with Tom Leader, an accomplished self taught pianist. Unluckily for Fire Blankets there was a timing issue in that the band was formed and disbanded years before Tom taught himself piano.  Eventually Lee was seduced by rave culture and subsumed in some complex and irrational midlands drug cults. Starting with an interest in consciousness expansion offered by cannabis and LSD, Lee ultimately embraced the hedonism of Amnesia at Shelley's Laserdome, Entropy at the Longton Leisurebowl and various all night raves such as House Nation, House Wedding, Universe and Fantazia. Needless to say there was little time for creative endeavours, even of the non productive kind and Fire Blankets was put on hold when Tom Leader was kicked out of University for doing slightly less than the minimum amount of work.

Meanwhile Gary Money was at University in Leeds, and beginning a creative endeavour that would plague and haunt him (and others) for the rest of his life. Snubbing the rave and drug scenes for which he felt a strong instinctive distrust he preferred to work on creative projects and poured up to 44 minutes a week into a burgeoning career as a film maker. He initially gained exposure on the local scene for his low tech sci-fi pastiche series "Battlestar Cheaptica" which although made before University was a huge hit amongst the Leeds class of 91, and inspired a whole grass roots cheapo film scene in the city.

It was around this time that Gareth started work on an ambitious adaptation of / homage to and / or parody / pastiche of William Shatner's difficult series of Tek War science fiction novels. Gordon And The Warriors of Tek would be partly scripted, partly shot, partly edited and partly scored and later partly digitised by Money. It has only so far been partly completed, partly released and partly seen by the public. It is regarded as one of the most incomplete works of art of the 20th Century. It has been noted that almost all of Money's subsequent creative output can be regarded as spin offs from this project. 

If you try to dig up what exists of the film you can find a brief synopsis in a forgotten corner of the internet which reads as follows:

"Tek, a computerised designer drug, has taken over the streets of Coppull; a gritty yet unremarkable small town in Central Lancashire. Simon, the maverick chief of police, recogonises the incompetence of the Lancashire Constabulary, known more for pie eating than for crime fighting, and hires a team of ninja mercenaries, headed by Gordon, to halt Coppull's descent into lawlessness.

The only lead is a rumour that the Refreshment Bar, next to Chorley bus station, is being used as an outlet for the futuristic narcotic. However, the last agent the chief sent there was murdered so Gordon sends his finest men, Johnny and Derek to investigate. They soon discover a local hood plying his evil trade who after almost being beaten to death informs them that the major player in the local Tek trade is gangster Tony Dagestino who operates from the Club Tropicana, an eighties "fun pub" with a reputation for loose women.

They race over there, but quickly realise that they are out of their depth as Dagestino is merely a front for the Purple Ninja empire, an organisation led by Gordon's arch enemy Holdroyd who betrayed the ninja code of honour and used the secret rites of ninjutsu to train an army of drug dealers and hitmen. Johnny and Derek escape from the Club Tropicana, but are hunted down and murdered by the highly skilled ninja master Ted. Gordon arrives too late to help his friends, but manages to trap the murderer Ted in a keep net, and executes him with a hi-tech electric weapon.  Gordon challenges Holroyd to confront him and they meet at a deserted industrial estate between the Leeds-Liverpool canal and the M61, where they fight to the death."

Also included in the internet archive are six audio clips as follows
1) 27.8K MP3
Description: "Sapphires (now Hero's) resident DJ Mad Hatter entertains the crew, before the filming of the Club Tropicana scenes."
Transcription: "I think they're making a British version of Cheers ... well fuck off"
2) 254K MP3
Description: "Ninja agent, Johnny, tries to pick up girls in a jazz bar, before being called up by Gordon."
Transcription: "Wanker, landlord, a pint of your finest cocktail. Hiya, you're quite attractive. I'm a secret agent y'know. I've just returned from Vegas. Vegas on a secret mission, I had to fight ninjas, ninjas! About five hundred ninjas, twatted them all. Every fucking one of 'em, they gave me no bother, I've got a massive cock as well, I'll tell you that ... incoherent mumbling ... I'll be on my way, I've got a mission to go to".
3) 22.5K MP3
Description: "Johnny alerts the taxi driver to the presence of a youth wired out of his skull on Tek."
Transcription: "Look fucking out, ridiculous ironing board bastard in the road!"
4) 15.4K MP3
Description: "Loose cannon, Johnny, sees red mist and shoots a hallucinating youngster for causing his taxi to crash."
Transcription: "Die irrelevant ironing board bastard!"
5) 72.3K MP3
Description: "Simon informs the mercenaries Gordon, Johnny and Derek of the chaos reigning the streets of Coppull."
Transcription: "Gordon, your ninja like abilities, muscular physique and general dynamism make you the obvious choice for the job.  Johnny, your ability with the ladies, your skill at darts make you an invaluable member of this team. And we have you, Derek.
6) 18K MP3
Description: "Gordon electrocutes hitman Ted with a state of the art weapon manufactured by Texas Instruments."
Transcription: "The chief said this would come in handy, eat Texas Instruments death."