It's You • MinBin

5: Feelings

January 28

One of Seokmin's relatives contacted me. A woman; incredibly angry... at me. She cussed at me and blamed me for everything bad happening to him. She called me terrible names and said I should burn in hell for what I did.

Seokmin lied and told her that I cheated on him. He told her that I was the reason he wasn't getting married.

I know I shouldn't believe her since I know the truth, but hearing her yell at me the way she did almost made me start doubting myself.

I wasn't wrong for leaving him... right?

I know I did the right thing, but why do I feel guilty now? Is it because I didn't wanna tell her that she's wrong? That the guy she's believing wholeheartedly is lying right to her face to save himself the embarrassment?

I shouldn't be second guessing leaving a cheating man, but the way she yelled at me really threw me off. I shouldn't have sympathy for him or his family.

I'm not gonna lie, I did cry for about 20 minutes when I walked into my room after I got home yesterday. Hyunjin hugged me for 10 of those minutes and then offered to take the dress to get dry cleaned to give me some alone time. I cried some more but then I thought of how he didn't deserve my tears.

And he still doesn't, no matter what any crazy lady has to say about it.

January 30

4 days have passed since that problem left my life.

I feel great now. I didn't realize how much he was weighing me down and how much space he took up in my house.

It felt even better when I burned his shit last night. Hyunjin helped me take the stuff out and clean up. We brought it to one of his cousin's house and burned it in her bonfire. She didn't want to admit it, but I know she was excited when it all burst into flames. The fire got so high and everything around it was glowing with orange coloring. It was so pretty, almost therapeutic to see.

I smiled happily last night. Hyunjin told me that it's been a while since he's seen me smile like that outside of when we hang out.

I guess I was a little too in love with that man. Maybe I didn't want to see a problem with him because I didn't want to be alone...

I don't like being alone sometimes.

January 31

Hyunjin has been staring at me since yesterday night. He keeps squinting, like he's judging me, but I'm not doing anything. I heard him muttering something too.

I think he's planing something. I'm kinda scared. He keeps checking his phone and then back to me. He's been more sus than usual.

Anyway, I sold the wedding dress for about $150, so that's the last item that ties me to that man. I'm officially free of him and I couldn't be happier.

February 1

Never trust Hyunjin.

That man has talked me into some shit that I ain't ready for... Why did I agree? Dancing? Of all things?

He literally walked into my house, after letting himself in, and screamed "Let's go dancing!" I didn't get to say anything cuz then he walked into my room and rummaged through my clothes. Then he walked out of my house, only to text me 20 minutes later clarifying what he wanted me to do.

Okay, so technically he didn't talk me into it, but I never got a chance to deny it, so now I gotta go with him to this dance class that he's insisting will be good for me.

I don't know about all that, but maybe this could be good for me. Maybe just the thing I need to get my mind off of life.
   
   
   
   
   
   
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So I've been meaning to post this chap but I got busy with the holidays. I work in a grocery store, so thanksgivings has kicked my ass.... Another month until Christmas and I'm not fully ready for that ass kicking yet 😑 I'm ready for that holiday pay tho lol