i'm so sick of seventeen (those golden years)

im sorry, belive me, i love you, but not in that way

//hi!! there's a brief and semi-graphic depiction of a panic attack in this section so be careful! i've sectioned it off with ~~~~

His ankle isn't broken. By some stroke of luck, it was just a very minor sprain that, if taken care of properly, should heal in a week or two. Heeseung nearly cried when he heard the news, now reassured that they aren't going to have to make any major changes this close to comeback season.

Jungwon doesn't know how to feel about it all. He's relieved that he didn't do any major damage to his body, and he won't have to miss out on promotions with the members. It would have been miserable sitting at home all day, waiting for them to come home. He would have hated it, and he knows that. Even then, some deep, ugly part of him secretly hoped that he had actually broken something. Maybe they would have sent him home to recuperate, and he could have been somewhere comfortable and safe, at least for a little while. Somewhere away from all of this. Away from always-perfect Riki, from the suffocation of Heeseung's impossible expectations for him. Away from Sunghoon, who's probably never going to talk to him again.

Ever since The Incident ––god, Jungwon hates calling it that––Sunghoon has barely spoken to him. It's not like he's being mean about it either; he's been as nice as he always has, including Jungwon in everything, offering to share his breakfast and all the same things he's done from the very beginning. Nothing has really changed, and yet everything's different. Sunghoon doesn't even look at him anymore. It's like he's afraid, or something. Jungwon didn't think Sunghoon would ever be afraid to talk to him. He almost wishes Sunghoon would just yell at him, cuss him out, be mean. Anything but the fake niceties to spare his feelings, those hurt worse than any blunt rejection would.

It's because of this that Jungwon sits, waiting for Sunghoon to get up. When Sunghoon finally strolls into the kitchen, it's midday, much later than he usually starts his day. He wouldn't normally find himself sitting in the kitchen this time of day, but today he decided to take an extra long breakfast, hoping that maybe he'd accidentally run into Sunghoon at some point.

Sunghoon doesn't even notice him at first, his gaze dead-set on the fridge. He walks right by Jungwon, leaving the thick scent of tea-tree in his wake. Jungwon elects to sit there and wait for Sunghoon to realize he's in the room, waits for acknowledgement. Like a puppy. Jungwon wonders if he looks as pathetic as he feels.

He clears his throat. "Hyung? You're up late."

Sunghoon's back tenses, prominent shoulder blades creating ripples in his shirt.

"Yeah. Long night for me. Heesung-hyung and I worked on a lot of stuff, so I didn't get home until two or three." Sunghoon doesn't turn around, answering into the open fridge.

"Oh. Fun."

Sunghoon laughs, humorless. "Not really."

  

Jungwon scratches the base of his skull. "Yeah, I guess not. Good to practice though, and it'll feel nice when it starts paying off, at least. Just gotta focus on the positives." Jungwon cringes. He sounds like an inspirational quote poster and he knows it, knows Sunghoon can sense his bullshit, too.

"You're right." Sunghoon says, monotone.