i'm so sick of seventeen (those golden years)

drown in you

Night practices are supposed to start tonight, and Jungwon isn't the slightest bit ready. He thought that he would be prepared for a one-on-one session with Heeseung, but he's been feeling gross and nauseous all day. He tried to have a bowl of cereal in the morning and could barely hold it down. Even Riki noticed how pale he looked, and that kid doesn't notice anything that isn't either 2D or edible.

He shouldn't be so nervous. It's just Heeseung, after all. Just a couple of extra hours in the studio with someone he should be comfortable around. Not anything to be scared about. Not at all.

Except, it is, isn't it? At least in group practices, Heesueng's attention is divided. Alone in a practice room with him––Jungwon shudders to think about what it might be like. He can only pray that Heeseung pays more attention to Sunghoon than him. Wishful thinking, he knows. But right now, it's the only thing keeping him from bolting straight out of the door and all the way home to his grandmother.

"Jungwon? You okay?" Heeseung asks from where he's perched on the armrest of the couch. They're trying to do a group movie, but so far it's been less movie-watching and more arguing over whether or not they should watch a horror movie. The hyungs look amused at Sunoo and Riki's bickering, but Jungwon can't find in himself to play along. Apparently his apprehension must be evident on his face, because everyone stares at him with expressions ranging from mild concern to actual worry.

Jungwon laughs, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. "Yeah, don't worry guys. My mind is just on another planet recently. Scatterbrain is nothing to be concerned about." When they continue staring at him, he adds, sheepish, "can we watch a Disney movie or something? I'm not in the mood for anything scary right now."

    That gets most of them to return their attention to the tv, but Sunghoon and Heeseung's gazes linger on him for a few more seconds before rejoining the conversation. The argument has now shifted to fighting over watching Mulan or The Little Mermaid, and Jungwon lets out a sigh of relief. He always feels suffocated when the members dote over him, like he's something small and delicate that needs to be protected. As the leader, it's his job to protect them , not the other way around.

    "Literally nobody wants to watch The Little Mermaid, Sunoo-hyung." Riki says. 

    Sunoo scoffs. "You little brat–– I do, isn't that enough?"

    "Not when you're outnumbered."

    "I hate you."

    "C'mon hyung, we both know that isn't true." Riki laughs, tugging on Sunoo's arm.

    "Don't touch me, I don't even like you like that."

    Riki whines, pulling hard enough to move Sunoo with the force of it. Jungwon is worried that he's being too aggressive, and almost goes to intervene, to tell Riki to take it down a few notches. But, upon closer inspection, he sees Sunoo is stifling a smile, teeth digging into his lip and turning it white.

    "Hyung~" Riki says in a singsong voice.

    Jungwon sees the moment Sunoo's composure breaks. He sighs and folds over, like he's let all the air out of his body. He's smiling.