My Own Tangle of Thorns

Dreaming my dreams with you

I forget their names now, but there is one that I remember -

I remember a boy with calm eyes and a care so tender,

Different from the others, without a dazzling allure,

But with an aura of kindness, hope in a form most pure.

He was simple, but look closer and he glowed like the sun.

A golden boy, loved by all, loved by all except me, who left him undone.

You, you lovely boy, cared for me when no one else did,

In the depths of your affectionate dimension is where I hid,

Burying fears, crying my acidic tears, stuck in a ghostly daze -

I could never look at you, because I was damaging to your gaze.

You never understood why I didn't see myself through your eyes,

But it was because I knew that everything I don't deserve would crystallise.

Those drunken words, to you they were fleeting, unthought, soft,

By the light of dawn they disappeared, like the morning frost,

But you don't see, to me they meant so much,

Years later, as I did to you, I grasp at them and clutch

Because those words made me feel so precious,

Like a gem, to me, they were tangible and breathless.

I was sarcastic, uncaring, but you saw through it, I know,

And the more you saw, the more my feelings would grow,

I couldn't let it show, because otherwise, my touch would simmer,

My smile grows dimmer, my eyes lose their glimmer,

But this was all in my head because to you I never lost effect.

Please forgive me: I'm so sorry for all those nights that I wrecked.

I know you had other girls, as I had my boys,

But you never treated them as I did, never as toys,

You knew of the damage done to me, but you were careful,

And yet I played around, I never told you that you were special.

But you were. You are. You are everything a girl wants -

And I hate myself for treating you with such nonchalance.

Well, youthful love, waging pain; it all feels all so long ago,

But I so desperately want you to know, that through sun and snow,

If I saw you now I would cry and tell you how much it meant,

All that time we spent, all the dreams we dreamt.

I can't say that I loved him; that simply isn't true,

But I'll always miss dreaming my dreams with you.