don't go away - noel gallagher

whats going on

my hands were shaking and i felt ill, this was a normal occurrence for me. i hadn't been well lately with the bad news i recently received. but this time it was worse, i felt so fucking bad.

i'd just been to a club, i didn't take any drugs though, not this time. i couldn't understand how i felt this ill.

i wandered the streets of manchester, not wanting to go home in the state i was in. i didn't want to worry my mam anymore.

as i walked underneath the dark sky, people walked past me, they didn't notice me though. none of them backed and eyelid to the girl who quite literally killing herself slowly.

i passed many streets i was familiar with but made sure to stay out of mine. no one i knew could see me like this.

i'd lived her since i was a kid, then i moved at the age of 15 to my dads, not by choice. i had just moved back last week, but giving the state i had been in this last month, i didn't want anyone to know i was back. not yet, not when i was like this. so my mam didn't tell them either.

my boyfriend had cheated on me, i took him back for some stupid reason, it went downhill from there, him gradually getting more abusive.

my eyes began to get more and more tired, slowly closing themselves. i had no choice but to go home, maybe my mam wouldn't notice how bad i looked.

i caught my reflection in the window of a closed kebab shop. i was ugly, very ugly, everyone had always told me i was beautiful, but i knew it was because they felt guilty. i could tell by the way the popular girls would look at me in school, face full of disgust.

i turned left into my street, i looked all around it as i walked and memories came flooding back.

me and noel pushing liam in a trolly we found down the road. liam accidentally putting someone's window out with a football.

they were my bestfriends. when i was a kid, of course. when i left i had no way of contacting them. i didn't even have a way of contacting my mam until recently. all because of my dad.

noel and liam were both heartbroken when they found out i was leaving. noel was more though, we were always the closest, everyone used to think we were going out. shit, even our mams bet on it. liam was more of a little brother, like he was to noel.

noel was 16 when i left and liam was 12. now noel would be 20 and liam would be 16. it only made me more sad when i thought about it.

they only lived in the next street, just a few meters away. but i didn't want to show up a mess like i was. they'd probably moved on, maybe forgotten about me. after all they still didn't know i was here, my mam hadn't told them or peggy yet, because i told her not to. that's why i loved my mam.

i unlocked the door and locked in once i was back in. my mam must have been asleep, i decided to just go straight to sleep, maybe feeling better in the morning. 

all i needed was someone, just someone to help me and love me. sure i had my mam, but i wanted a different type of love. it was hard to find real love these days.