Make it With You

- F I V E -

Kyle

A soft smile lines her lips as she stares at afar. I slowly walk to our table to admire the sight.

Damn.

"Tignan mo," she points at something when I place our orders at the table.

We decided to sit at a table outside. The weather's nice and the streets are quiet.

I look at what she's pointing at, even though I already know kung ano 'yun: billboards of our endorsements, side-by-side, at a tall, nearby building.

"Ngayon ko lang nakita 'yan. Matagal na ba 'yan diyan?" she asks, tucking one of her legs under the other for a more comfortable spot.

I sit beside her instead of in front of her so we could stare at them together. I lean back and prop my feet up the chair in front

"Hmm..." I say as I dig into my ice cream. "Di, matagal-tagal na 'yan."

At least five months. I drove past it one night and pulled my car over. Napansin kong may ice cream shop sa tabi so I got myself some ice cream, sat in this exact spot, and stared at the billboards. Parehong major brands 'yun. The biggest stars had those endorsements before us.

After that, every once in a while, binabalikan ko na 'tong shop na 'to. Looking at the billboards feels like therapy—a reminder of how far we've come, di man kami magkasama.

But now we are. We sit in silence, eating our ice cream, staring at the billboards.

"I'm proud of you," I say. Finally, after holding on to those words for years, I get to say it.

She turns to me with the soft smile I caught her wearing earlier. "Ako din," sabi niya, "I'm proud of us."

"Looks like we made it," I say.

I think about the dramas she's starred in, her long list of endorsements, and acting awards; and my sold-out albums and jam-packed concerts. This is it. This is all we've ever dreamed of. Pangarap lang namin 'to dati.

"Yeah...we made it" she chuckles, but her face falls.

"Just not together," I say with a slight pain in my chest.

She looks at me as if I just read her mind.

"We said we were gonna make it together," I say. "Sabi ko dati I'd like to make it with you."

She forced out another chuckle and took a big bite of ice cream.

"Oo, scam," she mumbles to herself. Then she says more loudly: "Okay lang 'yun! Ang bata pa natin noon. Di natin alam sinasabi natin noon"

"Ako, alam ko," I tell her seriously.

She looks at me and makes a face. "Luh. Kala mo lang 'yun. Di naman kita iho-hold responsible for something you said as a 17-year-old, ano ba."

But I do feel responsible. I feel like I screwed up somehow. Alam ko bata pa kami noon at wala namang pangakuan na nangyari. When we took different career paths after the Gold Squad era, desisyon 'yun ng management...di namin. Di naman kami ang nagbreak sa Kycine.

We tried to keep in touch for a few months pero we both got busy. She got casted for a new drama and had to attend workshops nearly everyday. I was working on my music and meeting different people in the industry to establish connections. Lagi akong nagtetext noon, pero pag nagreply siya usually one day later na.

Napagod ako. Pinilit ko, pero there came a point na napagod na ko. Pakiramdam ko noon, ako na lang lumalaban to keep her in my life. She wasn't exerting the same effort to keep me in hers. I know she was busy; it wasn't her fault pero...paano naman ako?

Then I just stopped. I thought baka naman pag tumigil ako mag-reach out, siya naman ang mag-e-effort, but she didn't. And you know what? That's okay. Di niya naman ako responsibilidad.

Every time I miss her and think about texting or calling her again, I remember how we drifted apart. Di niya kasalanan at di ko rin kasalanan, I tell myself. But part of me is convinced it's my fault anyway. I screwed up. I lost her. Doesn't matter how or whose fault it was. Basta I lost her; I screwed up.

She sniffs, turns away and flips her hair. "Okay na 'yun. Tagal na 'nun. Next topic."

I watch her eat ice cream and try her best to avoid my eyes.

"Sorry," I say.

She freezes mid-scoop. She forces out a laugh when she recovers. "Saan? Ano ka ba, normal lang naman sa mga friends mawalan ng contact pag parehong busy or...iba nang mundo ginagalawan"

But you weren't just a friend to me, I wanna say. I turn away and focus on my ice cream to distract myself.

"Kahit na. Sorry pa rin," I say. She doesn't respond.

"I missed you," I say, "I missed my bestfriend."

I sense her shoulders drop as she releases a sigh.

"Ako rin," she says quietly. "Namiss din kita."