Between the Lines: Mo Dao Zu Shi Story Collections

Say a Little Prayer

Summary: Lan Zhan refuses to believe that his best friend, his confidante, and the love of his life is gone. Lan Xichen worries for his brother, so he tries to help with the grieving process. Despite his efforts, Lan Zhan continues to believe that Wei Ying is still alive, and that he will find him someday.

Warning: Angst, mentions of punishment and scars, mentions of self-inflicted harm.

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Lan Zhan's feet weigh heavily as he trudged towards his room. The Jingshi had been his place of solitude for a while, and he felt comfort in it. It was quiet, peaceful, and calm.

He sighs as he carefully takes off his robes, the wounds on his back itching with each move that he made.

"They said they couldn't find his body," Xichen  said, bandaging his little brother's wounds. "Jiang Cheng—Sect Leader Jiang could only find his flute, while A-yao has his sword. The thing sealed itself, and now no one could unsheathe it."

"His body... is missing?"

"...yes," The older Lan replied sadly, setting aside the bandages and ointments. "I'm sorry, little brother. There is not much I can do or say that can change that."

"Then he's not dead," Lan Zhan gritted his teeth, his composure gone in the wind. Regret and denial coursed through his veins as Xichen could only sigh. "Wangji—."

"He's alive, brother," the younger insisted, unwilling and unbending to anything else his brother might have to say.

'He's alive,' Wangji thinks to himself as he takes a seat at his study. 'He has to be.'

He looks off to the side, where his brother had brought in a pile of paper money and incense. Xichen thought it would be best to help him grieve, while Wangji believes there is nothing to grieve about—Wei Ying is still alive.

Carefully, he lifts the items into his arms, setting them down elsewhere, where he would not be reminded of it.

Outside, Xichen watches, waiting for him to burn incense and paper money. He would join his brother in his mourning but it seems Wangji is adamant that his friend is alive.

No.

Not his friend.

Wei Wuxian had always been special to his little brother—to the point where he would risk his life, his connection to the Lan Clan. Nobody else could see it, but XiChen was perceptive. He knew how to read people based on their actions. Whatever Wei Ying did, Wangji seemed not to tolerate in the eyes other people, but Xichen knew better.

His little brother had never known how to fall in love, and when he finally did, he lost it.

Wei Ying's 7th day after death passed, and so did the 49th. And soon, even the hundredth day had passed, yet Lan Zhan refused to burn the incense and the paper money.

So, in his stead, Xichen did it for him.

Xichen excused himself, leaving matters to their uncle, Lan Qiren, as he made his way outside Gusu. He told no one where he was going, nor did he say why.  The only thing the Lan Clan knew was that he had gone out to night hunt.

Zewu Jun arrived at a nearby secluded cave, holding incense. He put down a bowl, and started a fire with a talisman. Xichen lit the incense and paid his respects, sending a little prayer for Wei Ying's soul.

"Wei Wuxian," he says, looking at the incense bowl. "I apologize for my brother's refusal to mourn you. It is not his fault, he simply wants to believe that you are alive. He sounds so sure of it, but I know that you are really gone."

He sighs, wondering if Wuxian's soul is still lingering about. He smiles as a cool breeze passes through and he continues to burn offerings for Wei Ying. "He found a boy in the Burial Mounds, suffering a fever. He took the child back to Gusu and left him in the care of our physicians. Uncle is not happy about it, seeing as the boy was once under your care, and a Wen, at that. Still, he relented and allowed the boy to stay. The child is innocent, after all. Wangji promises to take care of him."

He stares up into the night sky. He recalls the night they found Wei Ying in Lan Zhan's care in that cave, with his brother pouring his heart out to their enemy. He stood by his Wei Ying against his own sect, and even earned him a grave punishment by the hands of their own uncle. In the end it was all in vain. The Yiling Patriarch is gone, body and soul, while Lan Zhan lives with the heartache coursing through him like poison.

"He loves you... He truly does," Xichen's eyes well with tears, the pain of seeing your brother so broken and torn is unbearable. "That's why it is so hard for him to accept your death."

A tear rolls down his cheek before he composes himself, wiping it away. He bows one last time before getting up, making his way back to the Cloud Recesses.

Back in Gusu, in Lan Zhan's Jingshi, the man sat, holding a bottle of Emperor's Smile. Memories flash through his mind—chasing Wei Ying across the roof, their first drink while they had gone night hunting as disciples, their banters wherever they went.

"Wei Ying," he whispers, taking another shot of liquor. "I'm sorry... I should have done more.... I should have helped you—protected you."

Lan Zhan stands after blacking out. He wobbles out the door and begins to wander. He makes his way to the store room, as if he is reminded of something hidden there.

Lan Xichen later finds him in a pile of opened boxes and scattered books, fumbling through every shelf and cabinet he can see.

"Wangji," he rushes to Lan Zhan's side, grasping his arms before he can make a bigger mess than he already has. "I have to find it," was all his little brother said. "You are wounded, you must rest."

"No! I have to find it! I have to," Lan Zhan pushes his brother away and continues digging. "Find what? What do you need? I'll help you."

"Flute."

"Flute?" Xichen takes out his Jade flute and hands it to him. "You mean this one?"

Lan Zhan shakes his head and continues searching. Xichen opens a box with a beautiful wooden flute. "How about this? Is this the one? Hey!"

Xichen yells as Lan Zhan throws the instrument to the floor angrily. "That's not it!" He growls, rummaging through the various artifacts in the store room. "No...no—I can't find it... it's not here...it's gone...it's gone," he cries silently, weakly leaning against the shelves. Something catches his eye, and he grabs it as soon as he remembers.

The branding rod that burned into Wei Ying's chest was confiscated by the Lan's after the Wen Clan fell. Lan Zhan activates it and places it to his chest as Xichen tries to stop him. The younger cries in pain as it burns his skin, and he falls to the floor, sobbing. "Lan Zhan, have you gone crazy?!"

Xichen deactivates the branding rod and cradles his baby brother to his chest, hoping to heal it. Before he could, a hand grabs his wrist angrily. "Don't... don't take it away," Lan Zhan says shakily, glaring at the hand. He is already sober, waking up after the pain seared through his chest. "This is all I have left to remember him—don't take it away...please, brother, I beg you."

Xichen's eyes well with tears before putting his arm away, resorting to holding Lan Zhan through the pain instead. "Okay... okay, I won't."

Lan Zhan's eyes droop and he falls asleep then and there, exhausted and heartbroken. Xichen sighs and carries him back to the Jingshi, tucking him in before leaving.

In his heart, he hopes that his brother would one day find retribution and solace to recover from all his suffering today.