The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?

Phase 6 : Confession

Saturday night was it? Ah yes. The time where I realized I've been fooled by my own mind.

May 08, 2021.

I chatted him, I told him that I allow him to do everything he wanted to. I told him na, kung gusto mo makipag landian go, maghanap ng ibang kaduo? Go, makipag laro sa mga friends mo? Go, hindi makipag laro sakin? Go.

At that time, I realized..Why be protective? Who am I to you anyways? No,What exactly am I to you? All these unanswered questions, ringing in my head, I ought to tell you..

"Kaya nga diba? Wala naman tayong label, walang tayo. So why be protective? Duo langs diba?"

"duo langs:)"

Wow. Okay.

"Iwan naba kita?" I asked him, no I'm too confused to be in the right state of mind right now.

"Mukha kanang pagod sakin e."

"Ano naman nakaka pagod sayo?" He replied. "Wala naman ah?."

"Dika ba nag sasawa saakin?"

"Hindi:), masaya ka kalaro."

God, your so dense.

"Ikaw? Nag sasawa kanaba sakin?"

I had no choice to be honest. Oo nag sasawa nako, sawang sawa nako sa relasyon nating diko alam kung ano tatawagin. Kaduo? What the heck? I never signed up for this anyways. Friends? Who the hell says "iloveyou" to his or her friends? Maybe others do, but I don't. Do I seem like a person who jokez around? I have feelings too.

"Medyo. Sa tingin ko palagi kitang na-aabala. Atsaka pabuhat lang ako, Whats the point in playing with me?"

"Hm? Sabi ko nga bubuhatin kita. Ayos lang un."

"Eh un nga diba? Pag duo duo langs."

"Ou naman."

Yun nga eh. Yun ung mali, pag dating sayo, duo lang tayo. This relationship is so One sided. Were not even together and the fact that it makes me think that way, nakaka. Nakaka iyak.

Hindi kona kinaya. I want to be honest and be able to talk everything out. Sa lahat ng pinag daanan natin, even if you still think of me as a 'Friend'...

"Eh paano un may nararamdaman nako para sayo? Kaya nga sinabi ko na mag hanap ka na ng ibang kaduo diba? Ayokong ma reject."

"Sad to say hindi tayo pwede. Kase ilang taon kanaba?"

Aight. Of course I expected this, why should I be shocked? I laughed it off, joking around with him. But in reality? I was there crying in my bed. The tears falling from my eyes, Why so? Why does it hurt to love so much?

"Okay na tayo ha? pwede kana humanap ng ibang kaduo. Di ako mag seselos, promise. Kuya."

Even If its a lie, I'll try my best not to break that one single lie. If it means, being with you still.

"Erm. Duo padin naman tayo diba? Wala namang masama kung dou paden tayo ahh, di naman required mang iwan."

Guess your right, I'm over reacting a little. Sorry I guess? I'm scared of being left alone.

"Sorry, baka kase mas lalo akong ma fall sayo. Ang landi mo pa naman." I joked it off.

As we are on good terms, I'm both happy but sad at the same time. I didn't ask him to return the feelings I have for him anyways. I'm sad that he didn't, but I'm happy because he didn't do so.

"gusto kong lumayo kase baka pag nafall ako sayo lalo masaktan lang ako?" I told him.

"Rix."

"Hmm?"

"I just see you as a friend, kaduo, and there's nothing more."

Oh? And then? Of course I just replied with, "nag english? Gagi talo ako ah. Epal ka." As a joke.:) you do know na I'm already hurt and the fact that you added one more into it, wow who expected that I would be this affected.

That conversation ended well naman, I remained as his so called "Kaduo". While I stayed in this so called "relationship" that we never had. Sad to say, yes I'm his friend. Just a friend, none other than that. But I'll keep cherishing our moments together, as I move on.