Cold Winds

6

I'm so nervous. I can't believe that today I'm meeting the people who could possibly be raising my baby. I know it'll be a quick in and out deal, they passed the house test, and from what the adoption agency has told me, they're incredible people. I really hope they're all that they've been made to be. I've read their form over and over again. The man, a chef. The woman, a fashion designer. They've adopted two other children who are extremely happy. They live in a nice large home close to a school, and a hospital. Lukas keeps telling me how nice this is going to be, that everything is going to turn out great for us. In reality, I can't stop thinking about every mistake I could possibly make when picking out the parents. What if they're secretly sex abusers? Or they're on some sort of drugs? What then? I'll have made a horrible choice.

I can't stop messing with my hands, and I'm starting to feel a little nauseous as we pull into the parking lot. I take a few deep breaths and feel Lukas put his hand over mine. He smiles reassuringly, and I try my best to smile back but it's hard. What if I just.. decided to keep it. It wouldn't be that hard to raise a baby right? I remember helping out a lot of the time with Isak when he was a baby, even if I was just a little kid. I've grown up since then and I've done a lot more to help out with my cousins. But I know it would put Lukas in misery. I would be ignorant on how to take care of a baby and he would have to come and help me every time. Or I would have to have Tino's help, knowing damn well that he doesn't want anymore kids. So in the end, adoption is my best bet.

The two of us walk into the building, and my anxiety grows as I look around. I forgot how bleak this waiting room is. Dammit maybe I really should just keep it and push through the hell of raising it. But then the receptionist tells us to go to the third floor. That the couple is already waiting for us. We're late? Oh god what a great impression to make. Lukas thanks her and walks with me into the elevator. We have a short conversation, and he tells me I need to stop being nervous. That I've read the paper so many times my thumbs have left dents in the page. He's right. I've read it more times than I can count. But even so I still can't help my fear.

The receptionist on the third floor tells us to go to the third room on the left, and we do. It's a short-ish walk, and the Lukas knocks before we walk in. I'm surprised to see an older looking couple, and obviously their two kids sitting next to them, the two of them looking at a picture book. They brought their children? What buzzkills.

Lukas and I sit down and I hug myself loosely, looking at the four people across from me. Two boys, a mother and a father. The woman clears her throat and smiles at me. "You must be Emil, I'm Kat! This is my husband Henry, and our two sons! It's great to finally meet you! We've been so nervous!" I nod slowly and Lukas nudges me. "Oh, there's no need to be shy! We aren't new to the system, and we can assure you we won't step over any comfort zones!" She looks over at Lukas. "Is this the father?"

Lukas looks over at me and I furrow my brows. "No, this is my brother. The father is some piece of shit who I didn't even see the face of before he cracked my head open." I spat out. She and Henry both lost their smiles and reared back a little bit. Lukas smacks my arm and huffs. "What I'm telling the truth aren't i?"

"I am so sorry about that. He's been a bit cranky the last few days, and he didn't sleep well last night. It reminds me of when he was little, being able to sleep in his room because he's afraid." I quickly punch him in the arm, but he just laughs and rubs the already forming bruise on his delicate skin. "Sorry sorry!"

I cross my arms and slouch back in my chair, looking down at my lap. "I'm not cranky.." I mutter. Lukas scoffs and shakes his head.

Lukas takes my hand and smiles wearily at me. I roll my eyes and look off to the side. "I'm sorry he's like this, he's just nervous. He gets this way when he's scared. If my boyfriend Mathias were here he would probably be more chipper, it makes both of us feel better to tug on his septum piercing since he gets all quiet. He never stops talking."