After a very long time of pushing and screaming and crying, and John by my side the entire time, we brought a beautiful baby girl into the world and we had just name for her. I held the tiny human close to me. She had a few wisps of hair and she got her daddies bright green eyes. "Hello Lilian." I said softly. She was just laying there, happy to be in mommy's arms. "We have to take her to run some regular tests." The nurse said. I nodded and handed Lilian too the nurse. John and I signed the birth certificate and put down her name 'Lilian Rose Deacon'. I smiled softly and John kissed my forehead. "You did such a good job baby girl." He said. I smiled softly. "You should've been saying that the whole time." I joked, I was exhausted, I felt gross but so so happy at the same time. John looked mock offended. "I can't believe you-" he said exasperated. I smiled softly at John. He held my face in his hands and gently rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "I am so proud of you. Now we just gotta make you a Deacon." John said. "Im surrounded by them already." I joked. I still couldn't believe Roger said what he said and that he still hasn't apologized. John kissed me and got up. "You want some food baby?" John asked. "Please Im starving." I said. John nodded. "I'll be right back princess." John kissed my cheek and left the room. And I was alone. I sat up in my bed. How long does it take to run some tests? I just got Lilian-I sighed softly. I just couldn't stop thinking about Roger. I went through my entire pregnancy without him. My baby shower. The gender reveal. All of it without my big brother.
While John was gone they brought Lilian back. I held the small baby close and kissed her forehead. She cooed a bit and the nurse came into the room and helped me with breast feeding. After a couple tries we successfully got her to latch and she started feeding rather quickly I grinned wide at my baby and kissed her forehead. We were just bonding when John showed up. "Theres the angel." He said, setting the food down and coming to my side. He brushed her hair back a bit and grinned. "Shes absolutely perfect. Just like her mom." John said. He smiled softly and kissed me. "Only you could produce something so perfect so wonderful." John kissed my lips softly and held my face in his hands. I smiled softly at him.
We went home, Marsha was checking out the baby with sniffs and licks. Her tail flying a million miles a minute. Parenting was hard. She never slept and always ate and always cried. When she got a rash it was hell on Earth and Roger never came around. Fred and Bri came over to see Lillian and brought loads of presents. She was barely one and she was already so spoiled. I love so much to see her in Johns arms. Lillian looking so small in his arms and them both grinning. She was just so perfect. I wanted to protect her from all the pain and hurt in the world. Wrap her up and hold her close until the end of times. I think my favorite moments are when shes asleep. Laying in her crib, her chubby smooth face not having a wrinkle on it. I love her laugh and her bright green eyes. The newest things excited her and her whole face lit up. Lillian Deacon was the god damn human embodiment of perfect.
One terrible day I didn't get any sleep and Lillian just kept on crying constantly. There was a knock at the door. I got up and put Lillian in her play pen. I dusted off my top and opened the door, Marsha close behind me. Roger was standing there a wrapped box in his hand, Brian and Fred behind him. "Hey...todays not a good day-" "Roger came to say something." Freddie interrupted me. "Oh-" I replied shortly. "I'm sorry for what I said at Freds party-I was just really mad. There was so much going on in my life and- I got Lil Deaks a present." Roger offered me the box a guilty look on his face and I took it. "Come in." I couldnt forgive him-not yet. Not after so long with radio silence after he said what he said. The boys walked in the house. John left our room. "Oh-are we-?" I smiled wide at John. "Crying baby." He pointed to Lillian. "I noticed baby." I said. He held my face in his hands and kissed me before squishing my cheeks. Then there was silence. We looked over at Lillian and Roger had her held close and she was peacefully snoozing. I dunno what any of it meant and the future was definitely very shaky but at least here at this time things were nice. For now.
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