• WATTYS 2022 WINNER •
When Iris Monet married millionaire Jared Darling, she had only one rule - that he could cheat on her with anyone except the household staff. This arrangement of theirs would have gone on quite happily if she hadn't caught him...
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iris 👁
"KENNETH, you know I must look like Gigi Hadid tonight."
"That's a little beyond my paycheck, love, but I'll see what I can do." Kenneth spritzes a generous amount of mousse on my hair. "There, perfect. Now, just as we discussed, here's the sunset colour palette for your eyes ..."
I hold up a hand. My perfectly manicured fingernails glitter at me from the mirror.
"About that." I take a deep breath. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."
Kenneth freezes. "Please don't tell me you didn't get the Ferragamo clutch."
"It's not the Ferragamo."
"Oh good," Kenneth breathes out in relief, "because the Ferragamo is really the only thing that can bring out your eyes – "
"It's the Dior Couture." Even saying the words brings a physical pain to my chest. "The courier told me it won't arrive today."
"What!" Kenneth shrieks, and the brush he's holding clatters to the floor. "The £100,000dress? That gorgeous red silk satin piece with the corset and mirrored belt? It won't be here today?"
"No," I say, once again feeling the tears well up in my eyes. I broke down the moment I got the news, and hearing Kenneth repeat the harsh truth made me emotional again. "Apparently some ship got stuck in the Suez Canal and everything's been delayed."
"Then ask them to use a submarine! Or a plane to fly your dress over! How long is it going to be delayed for?"
"It'll only be arriving" – I choke on the next word – "tomorrow."
"I know! " I burst out. "That's what I told them!" Quickly, I reach a hand up and start fanning myself. "Please, Kenneth, let's not talk about it anymore. I'm going to start crying any second."
"But this is – this is ridiculous!" Kenneth wails. "That dress was meant to be the highlight of your entire evening. We based your whole look around it: the eyeshadow, the clutch, the lipstick! Surely you must have a back-up?"
"It was Dior Couture, Kenneth. How can you have a back-up for Dior Couture?" I sniffle. "The next best thing I have in my wardrobe is the blue Versace."
"From last year? Honey, you can't wear something from last year!"
"Do you think I wanted this to happen?" Despite my best efforts, a tear rolls down my eye and drips onto my lap. "See! You've made me cry."
Kenneth looks alarmed. "Oh no, honey, anything but the tears. I don't have time to fix your mascara, not when we need to redesign your whole make-up. When do you have to go meet Jared? In three hours?" My personal stylist inhales through his teeth. "That's a bit tight, but I reckon we could do it, love. Now don't cry, because that bronzer is expensive, and I don't have much of it left."
