• WATTYS 2022 WINNER •
When Iris Monet married millionaire Jared Darling, she had only one rule - that he could cheat on her with anyone except the household staff. This arrangement of theirs would have gone on quite happily if she hadn't caught him...
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I call it the Iris Monet Guide To Hooking A Man.
On the surface it may look like four easy, little steps, but the truth is it's a lot more complicated than that. Without the necessary sophistication, finesse and looks (all of which I have, of course) it's highly unlikely for one to pull it off. You could almost call it a military strategy, considering the amount of precision needed. Indeed, it won't be an exaggeration to say that the guide is to wife-wannabes what the Sun Tzu Art of War was to battle generals.
I first started the guide in college when I was going through a string of casual relationships. They say experience makes you wiser and it's true; by the time I graduated, the guide was fully fleshed out and ready for its real test – securing me a proposal. And when that did happen, I thought I could put it to rest. I haven't thought of the guide in three years. But now I'm shaking out the dust and revisiting the steps that once brought me success.
1. Engage in easily flowing conversations.
Most people are under the misconception that being a trophy wife means standing there like an empty, pretty vase. Untrue. But we like to encourage that stereotype, because the less intelligent you think we are, the less guarded you'll be around us. The truth is, if you're planning to catch the eye of a man who has everything, you'll have to be more than exceptional. Beauty will always be our primary weapon, but intellect isn't far behind.
First, you'll need to have shallow knowledge on a wide range of topics. Cars and sports are a great place to start. Politics are a definite no-no; that's a sign of a sharp mind that can cut through men's bullshit. It's also important that whatever knowledge you have, it's only just-enough. Just enough to establish common ground, but not enough for you to dominate.
With Jared, the minute I found out he was interested in the stock market, I casually slipped a question on short-squeezing into the conversation. His eyes lit up like fireworks and he was only all too eager to start explaining. This strategy works extremely well with men who like to hear their own voice, I've discovered.
2. Introduce flirtation and physical touch.
Once step 1 is done, it's time to bring in step 2. Depending on your target, here you may want to be subtle or blatant (in my experience, rich men require subtlety, but average Joes are dense). No matter how desperate you are, you must not come across as overly eager. It turns a man off to know that you're easy – or worse, they may see you as only a short-term affair, a one-night stand.
Something I've found to be very effective is what I call unexpected closeness. The name speaks for itself: find a chance to suddenly get physically close with your target. Enjoy for one or maybe two seconds the spike in his heartbeat and dilating of the eyes. Then pull away in a manner that suggests it didn't affect you at all.
Packed places like nightclubs provide great opportunities. In a crowded booth, tell your target rather apologetically that you want to sit inside, and as you're squeezing past make sure he's close enough to count your eyelashes.
