• WATTYS 2022 WINNER •
When Iris Monet married millionaire Jared Darling, she had only one rule - that he could cheat on her with anyone except the household staff. This arrangement of theirs would have gone on quite happily if she hadn't caught him...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
MARTHA'S voice is hesitant over the line. I adore Martha; she's the most efficient and skilled lawyer I've ever known, but sometimes she doesget hung up over questions like you're certain about this? and are you sure?
"Now, are you very sure about this, Iris?" There she goes again. "You're certain you want me to prep all the documents and submit them to court, asking for a divorce from Jared Darling?"
"Yes yes, Martha," I say impatiently. "Now, it's important that I'm doing the divorcing, not him. Did you get that?"
"Yes, I got that part. I just want to make sure that you're sure."
"I've never been surer of anything else in my life." I take a swig of whisky, draining the bottle.
"Only last time, you told me you were going to sue Jared for negligence because he forgot your birthday. And then you changed your mind the next day."
"Did I?" I wave it away. "I won't be changing my mind this time. If I do, I'm giving you all my bags, Martha. I swear on it."
"Even the Balenciaga?"
"Even the Balenciaga."
"Oh." Martha sounds surprised. "That means you're really serious about this."
"I told you." I raise the bottle high, my voice echoing off the walls of the train station. "I, Iris Monet, am divorcing Jared Darling, one of the richest men in London!"
"Right then." Her voice turns brisk, and I know she's gone into business-mode. Probably grabbing a pen and notepad to scribble on as we speak. "Any children?"
"Nope."
"Prenup?"
"Yes."
"Grounds for divorce?"
"Sex with the kitchen maid."
Martha hesitates. "I'll just put that down as irreconcilable differences now, shall I?"
A minute passes where I can hear her rustling some papers. Then she's back.
"Looks like I've got all the details. Tomorrow I'll type it up and submit it. Once the court receives the petition, they'll serve a copy to your spouse, and all Jared needs to do is sign it. Since there's a pre-nuptial, the messy parts are already settled, and everything should go fairly quickly."
"Wonderful. Thank you, Martha. You're a life-saviour."
There's a slight pause. "Of course, you can still retract the petition anytime. Just tell me. And I promise I won't take your bags."
I laugh. "You're a great lawyer, Martha. And a better person. But no. I won't be changing my mind."
I hang up. Outside, the rain is really coming down. The sound of it hitting the station roof is like a thousand cymbals clashing out of rhythm. I take a step, and nearly fall over. Gosh, the whisky is a lot stronger than I thought. My hand grapples at the back of a seat before I finally collapse into it.
