Runaways- Runaways 1

Chapter 27: Eli

I tried to focus on burning my marshmallows and the forced laughter Peyton gave me when I asked her if she wanted one. I forced some too. But I wasn't okay, and I could tell she wasn't either. I didn't want to think about it, but it was eating me alive. Peyton and Aaliyah had kissed last night.

I don't think she knew I'd seen them. She would have said something. And her sudden change to long sleeves worried me. Maybe it meant nothing, but because of McKenna along with my own history, I was observant of those kinds of changes. I knew what they meant if seen on the wrong person.

"Eli," Luke stated. I jumped. "Sorry, um, were you zoned out?" I nodded.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"No, it's fine, I was just gonna say that I burnt this one if you wanted it." He passed me the black marshmallow on the end of his stick. I took it and popped it in my mouth. I didn't really feel like eating another one, but I mustered a smile in thanks anyways. I put down my stick. I wasn't going to roast anymore.

I felt something on my hand, and I looked down to find Peyton's on top of mine. She squeezed it gently. I ignored it. I didn't want to think about her. How we'd been just this time last night. Maybe that was her way of saying it would be okay. As if that were true.

"Peyton," I muttered when I knew Marcus and Luke were asleep. I could tell she wasn't yet. She didn't have the even breathing of someone who was. I carefully got up from the tarp Luke and I were on, trying not to disturb him.

She turned to face me slightly. "Eli? Let's talk about this somewhere else. Where Aaliyah can't hear," she whispered. I gave a brief nod and we both made our way about a tenth of a mile away from where the others were sleeping and where Aaliyah was on watch. We walked in silence for a few minutes until we were away.

"You know I know?" I couldn't help but ask the question. We both knew what she'd done, but I didn't think she'd noticed me watching. Maybe she hadn't.

She didn't answer me. Instead, she rolled up her left sleeve. I saw an array of red cuts, some deeper than what I'd ever seen on my sister or myself. Deep enough to almost need stitches. "I hate myself for it," she whispered. I heard her choke back a sob. "For all of it. For doing it in the first place. For being confused and naïve."

I was torn between wrapping her in a hug and just walking away. I chose the former. She broke down the second I wrapped my arms around her. Even though I didn't think I was ready to forgive her, I knew she needed someone at that moment. I just held her until she composed herself.

"I'm sorry Eli. Please don't think this means I don't care about you. I—I messed up. And I get what you're thinking. I do. And I'm sorry if I completely butchered this whole thing."

The sympathy I'd had for her only a moment earlier grew into hot anger. "You're the only one out here who specifically said you were straight. You weren't LGBT. And then I catch you making out with a girl when you were doing the same thing with me less than twelve hours earlier! I don't know what to think of you Peyton. I've only known you for so long."

My words sounded harsher out loud than they had in my head. I turned away so she wouldn't see the shame written on my face, even though I knew she couldn't tell in the dark anyway. She didn't answer me. We stood in silence for a long time.

Finally, she said something. "You don't understand, do you? You're mad. I know you are, and you have every right to be. Why do you think I've got deep cuts on my arm?"

"You lied. And cheated."

She sighed. "I know I did. I'm sorry, really, I am."

"Apologies aren't going to cut it! I trusted you Peyton." The pain in my chest was sharp. I was sure I'd lost her, and I was more upset with myself than with her. She had to have a reason to do what she did.