Runaways- Runaways 1

Chapter 24: Peyton

The lies I'd told felt like lead weights. I couldn't sleep if I wanted to. It was nearly midnight and I was still lying here awake. The conversation I'd had with Aaliyah played over and over again in my head. I'd told her that I didn't like her like that. That I never would.

I tried shaking it off for the millionth time. After all, it shouldn't really be that big a deal. Right? They were just little white lies. Except no, they weren't. I couldn't deny it anymore. I actually did like Aaliyah. As in romantically. Gosh, how could my romantic life change so much in just under two weeks?

I'd started off normal. Single. Straight. And here I was with a boyfriend but also a crush on a freaking girl. Who the heck was I becoming? A cheater? A liar? A lesbian? Okay, maybe not the last one, but still.

Plus, I was still mad at myself for practically forcing Eli into the river. The last time he'd been in one, he'd tried to drown himself. I grimaced at the thought of his body drifting towards us instead of him throwing rocks at my back. Thank God we'd been there, and he'd been curious enough to get up.

I rolled over and finally just sat up. There was no way I was sleeping anytime soon. Eli was on watch so I could go talk to him, but I didn't really want to. That would just be awkward.

I'd expected him to be distant the rest of the evening after Aaliyah caught us together, but he hadn't asked any questions. However, I still struggled to read him through his mask. For all I knew, he was being eaten alive from the inside out with assumptions about us. I didn't want to be the one to confirm them. No doubt I loved him more than almost anyone, but Aaliyah and I had unfinished statements and unanswered questions between us. But you love Eli. That stuff shouldn't matter.

Should I shake her awake? Probably not. Okay, maybe. If that was the only way I was going to be able to sleep, then yes. She was only a few feet away from me, so I gently tapped her shoulder. When she didn't stir, I grabbed her shoulder and shook it a little bit harder. She sat up bleary eyed.

"Peyton? Why are you awake?" she asked sleepily.

"I never fell asleep," I admitted. Her stance softened as she met my eyes.

"Are you okay?"

I didn't answer her. I didn't know the answer. Eventually I just made a joke. "Having a mid-life crisis is all." Aaliyah rolled her eyes sarcastically, but she spoke tenderly.

"You are, are you?" She coughed, trying to cover up a chuckle. "And what might that be?"

"I was kidding," I stated meekly. "I'm just thinking about some stuff."

"Why didn't you go talk to Eli? I would have expected you to do that before you woke me up," she replied skeptically.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you," I apologized quickly.

"No, it's fine. Seriously, what's up?"

"I, uh, well—I don't really know how to say this in a not-awkward way. Eli and I are together, but, like, I'm not sure. I'm not sure about it I mean. No doubt I love him to the moon and back and all that, and it's not like I don't want to be with him but—"

"You like someone else," she finished. I nodded sheepishly. "Who?"

"You don't want to know," I answered. "I still don't really know why, but I know that I feel it." I was stammering now, and I could feel my cheeks flushing. "Uh, sorry."

"It's fine, it's fine," she answered. I could hear a mix of sadness and excitement in her voice. But if I liked her then I wasn't straight. I wouldn't be who I always thought I was. Never in my entire life had I seen a girl the way I saw her.