Understanding You | Park Bo Gum

Chapter 4 - The Anger Inside Him

Author's Note - 

Warning Note: the following chapters use a few words that might not be comfortable for readers. 

Every day was passing by very slowly and sad and yet 2 years passed by so fast. There was no contact between me and Ray. I tried talking to him whenever I went over to his house to meet Renah or whenever we met in college but all I got was angry looks and even him ending up shouting at me. But I never gave up.

We were in our last year of college we will soon graduate and get a placed for the job. Ray plans to do an MBA. Do Hyun is going for his military service after graduation and Jiho still had two more years left as she was doing MBBS.

I tried talking to Ray many times. There was this one common thing between us that we both love music. He loved playing guitar and I loved singing so we both were a part of the music club. In one of the college festivals, we had to perform together, and the music club president chose me as the singer, Ray as the guitar player, and two other students for the other instruments. Ray argued that he did not want to perform with me.

I was trying to convince him, "listen Ray this is about the college and the college festival don't put your personal emotions into it". Ray replied, "first of all stop calling me Ray, I am Raymond. Second, I don't give a shit about you and your talent. For me you are just a pestering insect. So, get the hell out of my sight."

I was angry with this statement so I told the president that no matter what I will also not perform together with him. But since Ray was the only one who could play the songs listed for the festival we could not come to a consensus. I was irritated and left the music club. The president did not want me to leave, and she was holding on to me, but I just did not want to flop Ray's performance, so I left the club.

Ray's POV –

Am I being too harsh on her? Am I being too angry for small things? What I said yesterday made her leave the club. I hope I am not affecting her career. I love her so much, but I am just not able to digest the fact that I had to lose my precious mom because of the girl I love. I am so confused. She told me everything that happened that day I appreciate her honesty, but I just cannot handle the loss of my mom. I feel so sad that she left the music club. My angry ass could have performed with her!!! Oh, man! I am hating myself for being this way. I am just hurting her every day. But I am just not able to forgive her also. Do I even love her? I am not clear with my mind and heart; they are not in sync at all!

Hana: I wonder if Ray even ever thinks about me. All he does is ignore me and shout at me whenever I try to talk to him. I hope things are good between us and someday we are able to go back to what we were a few years ago.

One day I was really very upset and wanted to talk to Ray so badly and finally got the guts to tell him the truth after discussing it with Jiho, Do Hyun, Renah, Mr. Song, and my dad. The next day, I was sitting on one bench in the college garden when I saw Ray passing by the corridor with his friends. I rushed to talk to him. He was talking seriously and to his friends and I think they were his broadcasting club members. But I still wanted to talk and tell him everything, it has been years even though I see him every then and now we hardly spoke.

I called "Ray!" he turned back and ignored me. I called again and this time I grabbed his hand, "Ray listen, I need to talk to you about something very important please understand and give me 10 minutes" he yanked and pulled his hand back and said, "stay out of my sight bitch". I did not mind it I got used to his curses by now and still grabbed on to him, "Please give me a chance and hear me out I want to—", he cut me off in between and shouted, "LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT I DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO ANY OF YOUR NONSENSE OK! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY? HUH THAT YOU LOVE ME? OH, BITCH I KNOW YOU ARE A CLOUT CHASER! STOP FOLLOWING ME! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT. AND DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME COZ ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS SLEEP WITH ME! NOW GET THE HELL OUT I HAVE GOT THINGS TO DO"

I was dumbstruck. He went too far. He did not even listen or give me a chance to speak what I have got to say. I know it is my fault, but this is not how he must have behaved. There were 7 classes in that corridor and almost every student heard it and was peeping out of the window. I was in tears and totally broken by these words. I was not able to bear this or accept this at all. Everyone was there for 2 minutes and then they all left, Ray and his friends also left. I was standing still as a statue.

Ray's POV:

Stupid stupid! I am such an idiot such an asshole. How harsh those words were. I could see her eyes going red from all those tears. I am such an idiot. Why did I say those words? I am hating myself. I am not able to portray my true self towards her. I should have maybe listened to what she wanted to say. She was going to say something important. It really could have been something important. Maybe she wanted to speak about mom. Why I don't have patience at all. I just want to maintain my cool in front of everyone, I guess. This is causing deep scars on my girl Hana. I miss her so much and I want us to go back to those happy days. What is stopping me? Why is my ego more important than my love for her? Why can't I listen to her once?

After some time, I came back home, and I was just crying all night. I did not attend college for the next 2 days. Jiho and Do Hyun came over, but I did not open my door at all. I was so depressed.

But then this one thought struck my head. Even though it was my fault for not telling him the truth does not make me a murderer here. I did not kill Ray's mother and what I told Ray is also not how his mother died. Even I am a victim I have also lost my right leg only that Ray does not know about my leg, but I cannot let this issue ruin my career. I decided to focus on myself from now on. I went to college, attended my classes regularly, of course, people were gossiping about me after that day, but I did not pay heed to it.

Time went by I took part in competitions I was achieving what I have been dreaming of even though now and then thoughts about Ray stopped me, but I kept moving on. My grades started to get better than I expected. And then finally the day of graduation arrived. We all graduated. Ray did not even think about me, I guess. I think he forgot my existence. Jiho still had a year left. Do Hyun left for his military service.

I joined our college as an assistant professor in the faculty of arts while I was pursuing a master's in correspondence. I heard from Renah that Ray left for the USA for pursuing his MBA from Harvard University. Renah joined her dad's business, and she was a part of the design and development department as she has majored in Cosmetology. I was happy for Ray but still those words from that day kept echoing in my ears.

5 years later....