I See Light In All Your Darkness // Rafe Cameron

twenty-three

May

The sun shone on my face as I laid on the beach, Topper's oversized hoodie covered my body and protected me from the sun. My phone was nestled in the big pocket on the front and was switched off. There was an empty bottle of whiskey nestled in the sand next to me and my mind swirled as the alcohol took over and relieved me from the nagging thoughts that attacked my soul. I had been dodging Rafe and Topper's calls, unable to face them when I thought about just how much better they were than me. I hadn't talked to or seen them in weeks.

A small sigh escaped my lips as I daydreamed about Rafe. I imagined what it would be like if I weren't so fucked up or he would give me the time of day. I imagined his lips on mine, kissing me softly and lovingly. I imagined our bodies intertwined and tangled in the sheets as we spent all day in bed.

A shadow over my face startled me from my dreams and my eyes fluttered open, making contact with the boy standing over me. I squinted my eyes and sat up on my elbows, "JJ?"

He stared down at me, "Mika, what are you doing out here by yourself?"

I sat up and grabbed the empty bottle, shaking it in front of his face.

He took it from me, worry filling his face, "Was this full?"

A smile hung lazily from my lips, "I've been out here drinking it since last night."

JJ sat next to me and stared down at his hands, "What's got you drinking yourself into a stupor all night?"

My head rolled from side to side, barely able to hold it up as I giggled. "You don't give a shit about me."

JJ peaked over at me and clenched his jaw, "Okay, fair. I'm sorry for what I did, it was stupid. Let me make it up to you."

I leaned my head against his shoulder, "I really loved you, you know that?"

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer, "I know. I'm sorry that I wasn't ready."

I looked up at him, our noses inches apart. "It was stupid of me. Chasing guys that are emotionally unavailable and out of my league. Can't seem to learn my lesson."

He brought his head closer to mine until our noses and foreheads were touching, "You were way out of my leauge, I didn't deserve you."

I closed my eyes, refusing to cry again. "Yeah, but Rafe sure is."

JJ held me closer, tears forming in his own eyes. "Rafe?"

I let out a pathetic laugh as the tears began to fall, "Yeah, I stupidly fell in love with him. He just wants to be friends, of course. Why would he want to be with me? There are so many gorgeous girls with no issues throwing themselves at him."

JJ tipped his head down in an attempt to connect our lips and I pulled away from him, standing to my feet. He stood as well and reached out for me, "Mika, please. Give me another chance."

I shook my head and stepped back, my feet clumsy as I tripped over myself. "No, you can still only think about getting laid. You don't care about me."

JJ followed after me, trying to grab my arm and force me to listen to what he had to say. "Mika, please-"

He was cut off by a loud, gruff voice coming from behind him. "Get the hell away from her."

I stopped still, the familiar voice I had gone so long without hearing sent a shock through my core. I watched as Rafe grabbed JJ and threw him back before coming to me and wrapping me in his arms.

Rafe pulled me tightly against his chest and then moved me back and cupped my face with his hands. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

I shook my head and tried to pry myself out of his grip. He grabbed my elbows and frantically searched my eyes, "What's wrong? You haven't been answering our calls and you're never home when we try to come see you?"

JJ stood to the side of Rafe, "You get away from her, you're just as bad as me. Leading her on and breaking her heart. You're not good enough for her either."

Rafe turned to JJ, jaw clenched and hands balled into fists at his sides. "What are you talking about? I'm in love with her."

My heart was pounding in my chest as I tried to register his words. My brain was swirling with ideas of all the possibilities. I grabbed Rafe's arm, turning his attention back to me.

"What did you just say?" My voice came out a hoarse whisper.

Rafe stared down at me, his lips moving but no words came out.

I felt my heart sink as I realized he didn't mean it. I let out a laugh, "Of course, you didn't mean it. You're playing me. I am done with the back and forth. One minute you're telling me you like me and the next you pretend I don't exist. I'm done."

Rafe picked me up by the hips and kissed me, lightly and slowly and softly. He wrapped his arms around me just under my butt and rested his forehead against mine, "Mika, I am not playing you. I was just afraid I was moving too fast and didn't want to ruin things."

"You almost ruined things by pulling away from me."

Rafe's eyes turned a darker shade of blue as tears threatened to spill over his thick lashes. My words cut him deep, "I thought I was doing what's best. I can't keep suppressing my feelings for you, Mika. I go crazy when you're not around."

I used my sleeve to dab at the tears in the corners of his eyes, "What are you saying?"

He set me down on my feet and cupped my face with his hands, "I am so in love with you, Mika. I want you to be my girlfriend."

Happy tears welled up in my eyes and poured down my cheeks. I grabbed Rafe's neck and pulled his head down as our lips connected in a passionate kiss. He pulled away and kissed my forehead before wrapping pulling me into the tightest hug possible.

I pulled away from him and held his hands in mine, "By the way, I love you, too."

All of the anxiety and doubt left my body as I stared into his blue eyes. He was finally mine. I was good enough for him. He saw the good parts of me and wanted to heal the broken ones. He trusted me with all of his secrets and showed me the him that hid behind the walls he had up. We brought out the best in each other and protected each other from the darkness that threatened to hurt us.

He was my light and I was his.