Book 4 - Spring

XIX - Gasps

"Russ?"

Russia looks up, his eyes wide and his gaze unfocused.

"Russia?" Ukraine asks again.

'He sounds muffled.'

Russia takes a deep breath and his chest seises up. Emotions creep up his throat, and his eyes burn.

'What just happened?'

"Roos!"

Russia meets Ukraine's eyes.

"Are you okay?" Ukraine asks carefully.

"...I don't know," Russia whispers, staring at his hands.

Everything around him blurs, and Ukraine seems to blend into the background. His nose stuffs up. Tears escape Russia's eyes, and he chokes. His chest spasms and he covers his mouth. His eyes grow wide, and waterfalls decorate his face. His heart starts pounding, and his eyes swivel.

'I have to find-,' his mind reminds him, 'I have. I.'

His breathing comes in gasps, and he curls around his chest. He clutches the sides of his head. His heart's pieces scatter in his chest, stabbing his lungs and stomach.

"Roos!"

Russia's head shoots up and the world spins. Blue and yellow.

"Ukraine," Russia mumbles, haphazardly trying to wipe his face.

"Russia," Ukraine says, reaching out a hand, "what happened to you?"

Russia opens his mouth to talk, but the only response he can offer is a sob. Grief runs up his spine and he bawls. Russia's hands hang in front of him, shaking like leaves in the strong wind.

'The world feels so cold.'

Suddenly, something warm is slid over his grimy hair. He looks up to see Ukraine pulling his arms back, his face in an experimental smile. Russia's mouth falls open and he reaches up. His fingers find the familiar texture of his hat. He traces the patch and his eyes slam shut.

Cries force their way out faster than before, and Russia gasps just to attempt to keep up. His head feels light, and the world feels so far away. He yanks the hat down as far as he can, trying to feel it against his head. He feels someone gently trying to pull him forward. He leans in and finds himself in a bear hug. His breathing stops.

'Ukraine?'

Ukraine hugs him tightly with shaking arms. Russia gasps and pulls his brother into a bone-crushing embrace. Ukraine laughs, but it holds a broken quality that causes Russia's heart to drop.

"I'm okay," Russia promises, trying to shove his cries back into his chest.

"Who are you trying to fool? Me? Because it isn't working," Ukraine says bluntly into Russia's shoulder.

Russia's breath catches in his throat. But when it returns, so do the waves of emotions Russia finds himself drowning in. He chokes.

"Shhh," Ukraine says, "it's okay."

Russia bawls, burning his face into Ukraine's soiled sweater. He begins rocking in place, choking on the sadness that coats his throat like honey. He digs his fingers into the back of Ukraine's sweater and holds on for dear life. Ukraine doesn't complain.

"I finally found you," Russia stammers between gasps.

"Yes. I'm right here," Ukraine assures.

"You're okay."

"Yup. I'm okay."

Russia's voice goes quiet. His chest shakes, and he bites his lip. He tries to match Ukraine's breathing, and the muddled feeling in his head fades. He gives Ukraine one last squeeze before letting him go. Ukraine jumps back into the adjacent booth and gasps dramatically.