mental heath jornal thingy

six

heh, ive really gotten bad. i just got diagnosed with anxiety and im starting therapy in a few weeks. i just want to cry, whenever i do cry though i scratch tge shit out of my arm with a broken pencil. speaking of that my arm hurts. i wanna die, ive tryed, i took 8 pills before my brother stopped me. that was... something. my "mother" doeant give a fuck about me untill i want to kill myself. my crush... oh ho ho. he was saying he wants to punt anyone under 5 foot. and im like oh haha laughs in 5'1 and hes like, i wouldnt be able to punt you anyways. and that... hurt. i cant get it out of my mind. and tge fact that im not exactly skinny doesnt help. my "dad" called me a pig, but now he wants to see me after i stopped visiting him. when im at school i act happy and shit but i... i dont know. my friends make me happy but i still have a lingering feeling of pain. i always hurt. i want it to stop. but i cant bring myself to. the brother who was supposed to be my best friend... i think hes mad at me. i dont know what i did but i proably did something wrong. i have little to no appitite most of the time. and i usually drink water instead of eating. im pretty sure thats bad. but thats it. all i can think of rn