part 8

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haha I haven't posted in a while, and I dunno if I've gotten better or worse.. I've been sleeping well but not eating well, I usually eat one maybe two meals a day, and they're always too much, I'm gonna get fat and no one will like me and I haven't showered in a while and I wanna sh.. I really don't know at this point
I just like ugh it would feel so good to sh rn but I can't.. I threw away my razor blade when I cleaned my room so yeah.
and school's starting soon and haha burnt-out gifted child moment, I've always been ahead of kids my grade and was in the advanced classes and my fucking mom keeps on bringing up that I'm probably not gonna be in the advanced classes and she's like oh how does it feel to be normal now and God shut up! your the one who raised me to feel like if I don't get perfect grades I'm gonna get in trouble. and when I brought that up she was like no I say that as long as you do your best and I try to do my best but I just feel like my best isn't enough anymore.. I feel like shit and I feel like I'm not enough

good stuff

-good sleep
-drinking water

bad stuff

-... literally everything else I can't even list it at this point

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