damn nine?

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I'm back again, I have to wrote in a while, getting medicated for anxiety so that's been better but I've been having line really bad thoughts about starving myself and bartering meals when I do eat, saying I ate dinner so I can't have breakfast or lunch or ill get super fat and gross and be like my mom, I got a diagnoses thing at the doctor for childhood obesity and I wanted to kill myself, I don't know, all I can think about when food is brought up is that I'm terrible and obsessed and I need help and I'll never be skinny or pretty and my mom's no help she gets worried about her weight then goes back to eating her everything away. I know j can't blame anyone but God do I want to blame her she never thought me any restraint or to eat healthy foods, and now she's worried about my health god I hate her. I'm over a year clean from sh, I'm so proud of myself but I don't know.. I'm writing this cause I had the biggest urge I've had in a while and I really really don't want to cut, and I like my friend after I dated our mutual friend and idk what to do

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⏰ Last updated: May 19, 2023 ⏰

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