NO, THAT'S WRONG! ~~Naegami~~

Chapter 15: I Wanted to Talk to You

Byakuya managed to sleep, which surprised him. He reasoned it made him a bad person, that he was able to do that to Makoto and not lose a wink of sleep over it. In actuality, that wasn't fair. He had lost more than a wink, he had only slept for 3 hours last night. Being exhausted was not an ideal situation to be in, especially considering what needed to be done today. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, stretching and checking the time. 6:48. Nearly time to head to the dining hall for breakfast. He wasn't hungry. No, that wasn't right. He didn't want to go to the dining hall, because Makoto might be there.
Despite the decision he had made last night, Byakuya still hoped in vain that he and Makoto might not run into each other today. It was a futile hope, but any hope was better than despair. However, he knew that hiding away in his room wouldn't be sustainable in the long run; he had to leave eventually. And, in addition, this wasn't just about his own feelings anymore. Makoto deserved a better explanation than the shitty one he had given last night. Groaning, he dragged himself out of bed and began to get dressed.
   He caught sight of the heavy bags under his eyes that told tell of his troubled and fruitless attempts at sleep, blue and purple in hue. He walked into the attached bathroom and splashed his face with water in an attempt to disperse some of the exhaustion from his face. It wasn't entirely ineffective, but it didn't solve everything, either. He began looking for other things to do, before he realised that he was stalling to try and put off leaving the safety of his room. He sighed deeply, and walked to the door.
   Evidently the rooms were well insulated, for the first thing Byakuya noticed upon stepping out of his room was the suddenly frigid air, which sought its way under his collar and made him shiver. It was late November at this point, so the cold wasn't unexpected, but it was certainly unwelcome. The icy draught did have one thing going for it, it definitely woke Byakuya up quite thoroughly. Not in the way he would've liked, he had to admit, but woken him up nonetheless. He trudged over to the dining hall, where he could already hear the soft babbling of his classmates' voices drifting through the air. He strained his ears to discern the soft, sweet voice that he was listening for, but to no avail. There were too many other noises emanating from the doors to be sure. He was going to have to actually enter the room. Byakuya sighed, and stepped towards the doors.

***

"Hey Makoto!" Hina bounded up to Makoto in the dining hall excitedly
"Ah! Good morning, Hina! How did you sleep?"
"Not well... I was woken up in the middle of the night!" She said, looking despondent.
"Oh no! Any particular reason?" Makoto asked, concerned.
"Nope! Guess my body clock just felt like screwing with me, hehe! If nothing else, it helped me to get an early workout in!" It astounded him how Hina could manage to stay so positive all the time. He wondered whether she really was that happy, or if she was just putting on a face for him, much like he was doing for her. Ultimately, he decided against it; after all, only someone like him would lie to his friends like that. And what would Hina have to lie about? She was obviously so on top of everything in her life, unlike Makoto. The door to the dining hall opened, interrupting his thoughts.
Tall figure.
Blonde hair.
Ice-blue eyes.
Wire-rimmed glasses.
Makoto felt the blood drain from his face, making him lightheaded. The boy in the doorway was indisputably Byakuya, the one person he could have done without seeing this morning. It wasn't that he bore any hard feelings towards the blonde, of course not. It was just... much too soon. And yet still, Makoto stared at him as his pronounced blue eyes swivelled around the room...
... until they locked onto his own, and Byakuya began walking over to him. He started to panic, breaths getting shallower and quicker. His heart hammered in his chest, threatening to crack open his ribcage and burst out of his stomach to present itself to the blonde, slowly approaching as he was.
"Makoto! There you are!" he called. The shorter boy gulped and tried to respond, but there was something stuck in his throat. The fast clicking of Byakuya's polished shoes on the plasticky floor mimicked the panicked thumping in Makoto's chest. He tried to turn and walk the other direction, but Hina was blocking the way with an inquisitive look on her face, and Makoto knew she wasn't going to let him through. He hoped against hope that somehow Byakuya's legs would fail him, or that the gap between them could suddenly, inexplicable increase in size. But for all his hope, none of it came through.
   "Makoto? Are you trying to... run away from me?" Byakuya sounded hurt, but also slightly amused. "I suppose I can't blame you. I wanted to talk to you. In private, Hina. I don't need you listening in." The swimmer's face fell slightly, until she grinned mischievously at Makoto.
   "I'll just get the truth outta ya later, kay?" she said rather ominously, and then skipped away as if nothing had happened. Byakuya inclined his head towards her.
   "I think she intends to torture you for information." He said, smiling, which made Makoto laugh despite himself. It almost felt normal for a moment, before the truth of the situation hit him over the head again, shattering any positive feeling he might have had.
   "What did you want to talk about then, Togami?" he asked cautiously.
   "Not here. Somebody might overhear. Come, let's go to your room." The reply, as was expected of Byakuya, left no room for argument.
   "Ah, ok then." Byakuya took him by the hand and started almost dragging him out of the dining hall. Makoto looked at their hands, blushed a dark red, and looked away. Byakuya noticed this and followed where his eyes had been.
   "Ah. Yes, perhaps that's not wise, considering what happened last night."
   "Speaking of, could we just not mention it? Like, pretend it never happened?"
   "Makoto, I don't begrudge you for having feelings. I certainly used to, but I don't any more, especially since- on this occasion- I return them. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. If anything, I should be embarrassed. The way I acted was unfit for the Togami name. That's why I wanted to speak with you, to rectify the situation. Ah, we're here. Would you mind unlocking the door?" Makoto did as he was asked, and stepped through the boundary.

***

Makoto's room was... very messy. Clothes were strewn everywhere, books were lying open and discarded on his cluttered desk. It was very untidy, but all the same very 'Makoto'. And not just the cleanliness either. The floor, the walls, the bed, the table all were overflowing with 'Makoto'. It was a very difficult feeling to explain, but the room and everything in it felt quintessentially his, like they had all captured a little bit of his soul. Byakuya felt strangely at ease here, a stark contrast to the shorter boy who stood next to him, who was clearly anything but calm.
   "Sorry it's such a mess! I'm not a very tidy person at the best of times, and this is most definitely not the best of times." He was rambling, and Byakuya got the feeling that if he didn't stop the chatter, it would keep going on and on forever.
   "That's quite alright. Makoto, I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday. I wanted to clarify some things, because what I said back then was in the heat of the moment, and so some parts of my response were unclear." Some parts were unclear. Understatement of the century. What you really want to say is "I still want to be your boyfriend", isn't it? But Byakuya couldn't muster the courage to speak his true emotions. It just wasn't in his blood as a Togami to admit he was wrong. But for Makoto, he could try. He could not let himself be defined by his family any more. He had to give it a go, at least. He opened his mouth to speak.
   "Makoto, I-"
   "You don't need to say anything. You don't need to apologise" Makoto interrupted.

"I don't care anymore."